Even Angels Fall
by LaughLoveLiveXx
Summary: My first fic! When Emily encounters the most trying event of her life, who will she turn to? Spemily in time
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One- The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

"Emily?" I whispered into the phone, after years of late night calls this was nothing new but something felt different...wrong. She sobbed and tried to catch her breath desperately gasping for air as if being held underwater. My eyes widened as I subconsciously stood and grabbed my jacket from the hook in the hall momentarily forgetting all about both Melissa's presence and my fear of being alone right now. "Honey what's wrong?" I asked, although I knew that the last thing she needed was to questioned right now,

"I'm near the Applerose Grill...can you come get me?" she murmured weakly, she had barely uttered the words before I was out of the street,

"I'm on my way buddy, just stay on the phone, okay?" I placed my cell phone on the seat beside me, not wanting to break any more laws than the speed limit which I was almost sure I was double by now.

Ten minutes later, I pulled up outside the entrance to a small alley, praying that my intuition was right. I saw a dark silhouette on my right shrink back into the shadows and could almost feel my best friend tense all over, as I stepped towards her.

"Emily?" I whispered, crouching down next to her and reaching for her hands, "hey buddy it's me, its okay," she said nothing but her silence spoke a thousand word. I stood up and pulled her with me,

"God, Spence , you scared me, I thought it might not be you and i-i..." she stammered before trailing off and clutching to me, I pulled back, alarmed by what she'd said, but the way she was clinging to me made it impossible to get a closer look. "I promise I'll explain this, this and everything, but can we please just go home now?" her eyes pleaded with me and my heart sank as I nodded. I took her hand and guided her to my Mercedes which was park at the side of the street. I saw the wave of relief rush over Emily's face. Normally, I would have smiled at the cute expression she had on, but in our current situation, I couldn't do anything but worry.

I placed my hands on her hips to steady her as she slid into the car, noticing as I did two large, red marks on her tan legs just under the hem of her jean skirt. I started to ask her, yet again what had happened, but bit my lip…there would be plenty of time for questions later, right now, I needed to focus on Emily's safety, a damage assessment could be carried out at a later date. We sat in a heavy silence for the remainder of the journey back to my place, during which Emily had squeezed my hand so hard it was turning blue.

I was grateful to be finally out of the car by the time we got home solely because this meant I could hold Emily. I wrapped my arms around her, right there in the driveway and I could tell by the way she held me back that she was grateful of the reassuring contact. I lead her, still holding her by the shoulders into the house and up to my room where she sat tentatively on the edge of my bed.

I closed the door, my instincts screaming at me that tonight, whatever it ended up being, needed to be private.

Emily POV

I relaxed into Spencer's arms and began to shake, allowing the events of the past few hours to finally catch up to me, she sat and she held me there, no hesitation, no questions asked. I felt the sobs rack through my body with back breaking force, and without either of us speaking a single word, as Spencer's tears intermingled with mine, I knew that she understood.

I heard her speak but her words remained blurry, as if she were underwater or far, far away.

_His feet pounded heavily along the street; I could feel him closing in on me and I dared myself to look round, not slowing my pace. He was a mere three feet away. I psyched myself up, running faster and faster. Trying harder and harder but going nowhere. I felt his arms close around my waist, his hands creeping lower and lower over my body. I closed my eyes and I screamed._

"Emily?" Spencer's voice broke through my nightmare like a beacon of light, "Emily baby, can you tell me what happened?" I winced at her touch but let myself slowly relax into her grasp, I shook my head as I felt myself start to cry uncontrollably. "Em, I know it's hard, believe me, but buddy you have to tell me. And then I'm going to need to do a physical exam." I screamed. A blood curdling scream. Spencer held me and rocked me, gently shushing and whispering quiet comfort in my ear.

"I know darling, I know." She whispered as she gently kissed my temple. "But sweetheart you're hurt and I need to see, either that or we go to a doctor right now." I clung to Spencer, mentally paralyzed by the thought of strangers' hands touching me once more.

"You Spence," I murmured. "It has to be you." She nodded sincerely and stroked my hair, gently separating us slowly.

"Alright Emmy, I need you to undress so I can see how badly you're hurt. But I need you to remember that it is only me," she paused and took my hand, "alright?" she asked, tipping my chin up with her finger so she was looking me in the eyes, "You can trust me, Em, I'm not going to hurt you, baby." She took my other hand and squeezed it reassuringly. I felt her gaze on me as I started to pull my top over my head, I'd already felt exposed due to the rips in the fabric. _It's only Spencer,_ I repeated to myself over and over, _it's only Spencer. _I squeezed my eyes shut in pain as I lifted my arms over my head and I saw the pain in Spencer's eyes.

"Here, let me help," she said quietly, helping me sit on the bed before gently pulling the material from my body. I heard her sharp intake of breath as she surveyed the damage. She gently put her arms around me and locked my gaze on hers, "Trust me Em, okay?" she whispered as she unhooked my bra.

"_Get away from me!" my panicked yell did nothing to stop the man who had pressed himself up against me. Trying to muster a glare I stepped backwards only to endure a sinking feeling in my stomach as my back scraped against the solid brick wall behind me. He smirked at the terrified look on my face as his tongue made its way into my mouth. Hands gripped my arms and neck in a vice like grip preventing me from moving, let alone running away. I felt his hot breath against my neck and, doing the only thing I could think of, dug my knee hard into his crotch, knocking him backwards and making to run. _

"_Bitch!" he screamed, grabbing my wrist as I tried to run away, wrenching me back and against the wall again. Taking both of my wrists in one of his hands he pinned my arms above my head as he fumbled in his pocket. I closed my eyes as I felt the sharp, cold metal blade run softly across my throat, not quite breaking skin, but enough to stop my heartbeat for a few seconds. _

"_Now," he leered, "this blade, will hurt a lot, but this one," he gestured to the undone zipper on his jeans, "won't hurt so much...take your pick." I shuddered and squeezed my eyes shut again, trying desperately to be anywhere but where I was._

"Stay here with me," Spencer said sternly, yet her voice held so much comfort for me. "Don't go back, Em, no-one can hurt you here, open your eyes." Spencer coaxed gently, she reached for her robe and gingerly helped me into it as she unbuttoned my jean skirt, somehow sensing how uncomfortable being entirely exposed would make me. I made to stand so Spencer could remove my skirt but my legs could no longer hold my weight. "It's okay," she whispered, "lay back." She guided me down to the bed with one hand, the other holding mine as a small reassurance.

Spencer POV

I tried to keep it together; really I did…For Emily's sake. But the sight that greeted me was almost more than I could handle. Across my best friends legs were scattered cuts and bruises. Starting at her ankles and scattering upwards, increasing plentifully at the very tops of her thighs; two deep cuts penetrated her tan, muscular legs. The bruising outweighed the cuts in terms of severity, if that was even possible.

"Son of a bitch." I cursed under my breath, "Emmy, I swear to God I will find out who did this and personally, I will destroy him." She laughed, but it wasn't her laugh. Emily's laugh was sweet, and charming, and could instantly brighten someone's day…more than that; it could make you fall in love with her. But this laugh was nervous and edgy, like if she didn't laugh, she'd cry. And that's exactly what I was afraid of.

I moved up to sit beside Emily on the bed, hating to hurt her further but afraid of what would happen if I didn't follow this particular instinct.

"Babe," I whispered, holding her hands in mine, "I hate to hurt you like this, but I need you to tell me what happened today. Can you do that for me?" I asked her very gently. Emily closed her eyes softly and shuffled closer to me, I opened my arms and she gladly relaxed into them. I wrapped them very tightly around her and held her close, stroking her hair absentmindedly as she began to talk.

"I-I I was walking home from practice c-cause I-I left my car at h-home a-and I-it was g-getting dark a-and I-I was grabbed f-from behind and h-he pushed me…I-I tried to- to run but I-I but h-he got me…" she sobbed silently into my shoulder.

"Em, did he?" I asked the question that I already had the answer to. She nodded into my chest and I rocked her soothingly in a protective embrace.

"Honey, you need to have a rape kit done. Now, I can take you to a clinic, or I can do it here. I have an emergency one in the bathroom." She looked me in the eyes like a rabbit in headlights and it broke my heart.

"Okay, here it is. Do you want me to call Aria or Hanna? It might be helpful for some comfort or distraction," she seemed to consider it for a second before she nodded,

"Not now, but after, do you think they could come over?" she asked tentatively, I smiled and kissed her temple,

"Of course," I sent both Hanna and Aria a simple SOS text with the words 'my house' stated at the bottom. They would both know what to do. I slipped out of the room and returned with a tiny green box in my hand;

"Okay sweetie, I'm ready when you are; this is gonna hurt, but I will be as gentle and quick as possible," I paused, "Are you ready?" I squeezed her hand and she nodded her consent; I set Emily down on her back and gently raised her knees and commenced the exam. I had to force myself not to look at her face because I knew, if I did, I wouldn't be able to continue. And she needed this done, just in case she decided to press charges.

"Okay baby, all done." I whispered tearfully as I moved her legs back down and kissed her head; "Do you want to go take a shower?" she nodded tentatively and I helped her stand up and escorted her to the bathroom. I helped her up on to the counter while I started the shower and found her a towel. "Alright, are you ready?" I asked her as she slid down and untied the robe; as she let it fall I noticed for the first time the true extent of the damage and gasped.

"What is it?" Emily asked as she turned to look at me, I paused and thought quickly, deciding that I could only cause more damage than not telling her.

"Babe, your back...it, it…"

"I know," Emily answered, "He cut it pretty badly,"

"Well, it maybe be worse than you think." I answered gently, she looked at me and her eyes filled with more pain than I knew existed, "It says 'Thank you –A" and with that Emily turned and threw up. As I held back her hair I started to think, I'd like to think that at this critical time I had only one focus; one problem…one tragedy. After all, tragedies are like chances, sometimes we only get one. Sometimes it's more. Either way, there's always one tragedy in your life that's worst than the rest. There's always one where you can never fully get over. This was it for Emily. Unfortunately, our problems always seem to overlap and interlink in the same way as our thoughts and laughter. And no matter how many times you laugh and love, it doesn't ever make it any easier to live.


	2. Chapter 2

So, here's the second chapter. Special thanks to xXPrettyLittleLiarsLoverXx for giving me my first review!

* * *

><p>Chapter Two- What Is And What Should Never Be<p>

Spencer POV

Hanna and Aria arrived whilst Emily was still in the shower. She'd asked me not to leave the bathroom- I was flattered that in a non-direct way; Emily had asked me to keep her safe. Flattered, but petrified. I sat crossed legged on the counter as I waited; I heard her crying and wanted nothing more than to rush into the shower and hold her, but something told me that she needed to deal with this stage alone. I was so lost in my thoughts of exactly what I would do to 'A', whoever it was, when I found them that I didn't hear the gentle knock on the bathroom door. Soon Aria was in front of me, she placed her hand on my forearm and I met her big, brown eyes with my own. She smiled weakly and gestured to my room, I nodded and signaled that I'd be out in a second. Once she was safely out of the door I closed it softly and crossed the room to the shower.

"Em?" I asked, tapping the glass gently,

"Spence?" she asked tentatively in reply, "Spencer you are alone aren't you?" I closed my eyes, I was going to kill A for doing this to her, for making my Emily paranoid and afraid of the world.

"Yes baby I'm alone, it's okay," slowly the glass slid across and Emily came into view. Her cheeks were tearstained despite the fact she'd been in the shower and her eyes were swollen and puffy.

"Spence?" she asked again; I lifted my eyes to meet hers but she shied away from my gaze. "I was just, I just…I- never mind." She whispered as her voice cracked and her bottom lip trembled. She leaned against the shower wall and slid slowly down it in despair. It broke my heart ten times over. With complete and utter disregard for anything but Emily I stepped into the shower and sat next to her; pulling her close to me and holding her there. She sobbed and finally the wall that she had put up to protect herself came crashing down…I did what only a best friend could; I held her tighter and with more protective power than I ever thought to be physically possible, as years of pain and suffering came flooding out in a waterfall of sorrow.

I had no idea of the time or how long had passed but I didn't care, all that mattered to me was her. When her breathing finally evened out, I lifted her slightly in to an upright position, careful to maintain the close contact between us.

"Emmy, you're shaking!" I exclaimed as she sat up, "Oh God…okay, I need to get you warm before you turn blue." I said only half joking, I stood up and she giggled,

"You're soaked Spence!" she giggled again, I turned around and gave her a playful smile,

"Yep, you're the one who had a shower and I'm the one who ended up wet," I said as I practically lifted her up, careful not to put any pressure on her aching muscles. I took a sharp intake of breath at the sight before me and instantly wished I hadn't or that Emily hadn't noticed. Emily was beautiful. Even in this awful state, she still managed to look stunning. But her body was a mess; although the shower had helped to clear the blood and dirt, it did nothing to hide the true damage.

"Don't look?" Emily suggested as I got her a towel,

"Em, don't be silly!" I rolled my eyes, trying to act as natural as possible; "I've seen you naked a thousand times." I laughed, pushing to the back of my mind the fact that this was not an innocent sleepover or double shower in the locker room. "Hey," I whispered, titling her chin up towards me, "You have nothing to be ashamed of." She took a tentative step towards me and I wrapped her in my arms, "You're beautiful, don't forget that." I whispered and my lips brushed against her ear. She smiled as she pulled back. I wrapped an oversized towel around her petite frame and it drowned her.

"…that's all I know." I finished telling Hanna and Aria everything that I knew about the situation. Emily had long ago fallen asleep, still only wrapped in a towel but resting snuggly in my arms as I stroked her hair. Hanna sat with her head in her hands, while Aria held Emily's hand, tears running down her face.

"I swear to God…when I find out who did this, God I'm gonna…I…ugh!" Aria screamed. She started to pace up and down my bedroom in utter exasperation; needing to do something but not knowing what or how. Hanna meanwhile seemed to have become completely numb. She just sat and stared at Emily through glazed eyes, shaking as she did.

The ominous sound of our cell phones rang through the icy atmosphere in complete synchronization. Aria read it first and buckled at the sight, catching hold of the bed and easing herself down nest to me, she handed me her phone with a shaking hand; the message held a picture of Emily's maimed back and the caption,

_Did you get my message? Kisses! – xoxo A_

* * *

><p><em><em>Sorry this chapter's a little short...will be longer next time; PLEASE REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys...thanks to everyone who's reviewed this...it means a lot to me. PLEASE REVIEW!

* * *

><p>One Night to Speed up The Truth<p>

Aria POV

I didn't want to be alone tonight. Actually, after this, I didn't want to be alone ever again. We sat together in Spencer's bedroom with too many fears to drown out the pressing silence. I could hear Emily's shaky breaths, each one rattling through her body in a heartbreaking sob. I contemplated waking her but knew she needed the rest; the personally I find it arguable that being caught between a nightmare and hell is not rest.

Every time Emily moved Spencer pulled her just a little bit closer to her body, close enough for her own tears to mingle with Emily's. Even in her vulnerable state, Spencer's protective stance remained the same.

"Do you ever wish you could go back?" Hanna whispered into the darkness, I jumped slightly at her voice as she hadn't spoken a word since Spencer told us; I thought maybe in some way, this had affected her the most, in ways that I couldn't possibly understand. "Back to that night?" her words were vague, but we all knew the night in question. We remained silent as, once again, the thick atmosphere of reminiscence fell around us.

Emily moaned quietly into Spencer's chest before rolling over and staring up at her. It had only been seconds since she awoke when she started to scream and cry. Spence rocked her till she settled and slowly lifted her upright on her lap.

"Hey buddy," she whispered softly lifting the towel a little higher around her shoulders to keep her warm, Emily smiled weakly but winced in pain when she tried to move. She settled for taking Spencer's hand, but looked at neither me nor Hanna. She seemed unable to face anyone but Spencer. "You, young lady, need a dressing on that." Spencer said, pointing to Emily's exposed upper leg. Emily giggled tentatively, looking down and tracing the wound lightly with her finger. She whispered something borderline inaudible to Spencer and she rose from the bed. Carefully supporting Emily all the way, the both of them slipped into the bathroom and closed the door; leaving me completely alone with Hanna.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked her. Truth be told I was worried about Hanna, she had a tendency to take on everybody else's problems and let them slowly eat away at her. She didn't answer but shuffled across the bed to where I was lying,

"Could you just hold me?" she whispered. I gladly obliged, wrapping Hanna into a tight, protective embrace, hoping that she'd let me in.

Emily POV

I shook slightly as Spencer dropped the towel and surveyed my body; she was gentle and reassuring but I couldn't help but feel over exposed. She gently laid a finger on my ribs and it burned me. The pain was searing through me as if she'd maimed my tan skin, not just merely touched it.

"Sorry," she whispered to me, reaching into the open first aid box and pulling out a long, thin bandage. "I need to wrap your ribs honey, I won't hurt you I promise." I closed my eyes and let Spencer do as she needed to, holding on tightly to the counter top as my only means of support.

"All done," she announced as she helped me step into a loose fitting pair of pajama pants and pulled a shirt over my head. She smiled and embraced me, but I couldn't find the words to thank her; I just had to hope she knew how much she meant to me.

Spencer POV

I felt restless, for lack of a better word, I'd spent most of the night watching Emily sleep in my bed after insisting that I was okay and Hanna and Aria could leave for a few hours and I wouldn't fall apart. I desperately needed to have my best friend back, but I could see that right now, she wasn't who she should be. She was sleeping and that wasn't something that came easily, so I let her sleep. I slipped away and out of the room, wandering out of the door and into the front yard. The air was fresh and cool but it did nothing to ease the sickening feeling in my stomach. I had been strong for her. We both had, we had had to be. It was killing the both of us, but we'd been strong, for her, we'd be anything.

I could feel the breakdown coming. Feel the rush of pent up emotions bubbling to the surface, ready to ignite the fury in my soul like a match to dynamite. It started with tears, simple tears for the atrocious crimes that had been perpetrated against my best friend. I thought about how I'd promised I'd always be there for her. How I'd lied and failed. So the tears fell. And when they'd stopped, they gave way to heart wrenching sobs. I had no idea I was this full of negative emotions, but if that insidious character who did this to her had been standing in front of me? I swear I would have killed him with my bare hands.

My shaking body brought me, quite literally, to my knees. I found I couldn't physically stand anymore and I wondered if I'd ever breathe again. More importantly, would she ever feel safe again? At that thought I could have screamed, I would have had I not been so determined for her not to see me falter.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry, this chapters a bit rough as i wrote it quickly, the next one will be better i promise :)

* * *

><p>Aria POV<p>

I crept quietly back into the house and across to Spencer's room. I noted her absence but, at this point, I was too tired to care. The thing about Spencer was she did what she wanted, when she wanted and didn't think about the consequences until later, and even then, she pretended not to care sometimes, protecting her emothions- because, if you lie to yourself enough, you start to believe it's true. I would have been mad, furious that she'd left Emily, but she wouldn't have left her for long, because if there's one thing that Spencer was, it was loyal.

What felt like hours later the sun started streaming in through the gap in the curtains, glancing at the clock I groaned...5:02 am, I seemed to be turning into some kind of insomniac. I lay back on the pillow staring at the ceiling, thinking deeply about last night's events.

"So, where were you last night?" I asked rolling to faceSpencer, the sight of the empty bed shocked me to say the least.

"Spencer?" I called. No answer, I thought for a moment that she had left but her backpack was still lying on the floor. "Spencer?"

I slipped out of bed and wandered across the hall, the bathroom door closed put a press of the handle told me it wasn't locked,

"Spence-oh my God." I screamed, stopping dead in the door way for a second, feeling sick to my stomach. My best friend was lying on the floor, her head tilted back against the wall, her eyes were open, but I knew she couldn't see me.

"SPENCER!" I snapped out of my daze and ran across the room, kneeling by her side and taking her face in my hands. She was out cold. Her hand was coiled tightly into a fist around something; before I even looked I knew what she was holding. Thinking hard and trying not to panic, I thought back to a scene at a party that I'd seen on TV and quickly turned the shower on full blast, dropping the temperature as low as it would go.

Stooping down I wrapped an arm around her torso and the other looped under her legs; any other day of the year I would have sworn there was no way I could lift Spencer, but today she felt feather light as I stepped into the shower with her.

"Come on, Spencer." I yelled close enough to her face that, had she been conscious, she would have felt the sound before she heard it. "Don't do this to me; I need you to open your eyes! I need you, Spencer!" I slapped her hard across the face, desperately trying to trigger any kind of reaction from her. "Spence," I whispered in her ear, "I can't do this without you. I need my best friend." I could now feel tears streaming down my face mixing with the water running from the shower.

"I-I-I'm..." she stuttered, I grinned at her,

"Spencer, honey, talk to me, okay? Tell me something, anything, just stay awake." She held onto the back of my wet t-shirt as tightly as she could given how weak she still was. "I-I'm s-sorry."

As soon as we were out of the shower, I stood Spencer up in front of me, holding her by the shoulders to steady her as she swayed under the influence of her actions; she was shivering now, her body finally reacting to reality.

I sat on the edge of Spencer's bed and waited, neither of them was awake and I wasn't sure who I was more worried about. Every so often I leant over and pressed my fingers gently against Spencer's neck, checking for the steady reassurance I found in her breathing.

"Aria?" she whispered hoarsely, taking deep shuddering breaths as her eyes flickered open,

"Aria...what time is it?" she whispered before coughing violently,

"Seriously?" I asked her incredulously, handing her a glass of water, "You pull that little stunt and the first thing you worry about is the time?" she turned the cup in her hands round and round to avoid my eyes. "You had me worried sick, Spence." She looked up sheepishly and her gaze locked with mine,

"Aria...What actually happened? I remember y-y-you left and then I-I- I watched Emily sleep and just couldn't take it and-then it all goes a little blank." She looked like she wanted to cry.

"You remember this?" I asked, my voice was rough and harsh, the emotion I'd felt now turned accusative, I held up a CD, still laced with the white powder. She closed her eyes and shivered at the sight as if the mere sight could induce that feeling.

"Aria, I, I don't, I don't know what to say except that, I am so, so sorry." She's shaking badly know, her hairs still wet from our incident in the shower, and she's cold. I wrap a blanket around her, careful not to disturb Emily, still fast asleep next to us, and pull her into my arms. She lets me and rests her head on my shoulder as she starts to softly sob.

So, yes, in case it wasn't very clear, Spencer did just snort coke..R&R please!


	5. Chapter 5

Hopefully this chapter is better than the last, let me know what you think or if you have any requests.

* * *

><p>Spencer POV<p>

"EMILY FIELDS!" I screamed, finally reaching breaking point. She flinched at my tone and almost immediately my anger subsided. I sat next to her on the bed and fought the incredibly strong urge to take her in my arms and hold her, but I knew I needed to stand firm on this.

"Em, baby, I know how hard this is," I started, speaking softly and taking her hands in mine, "but sweetheart, but honey, you need to get checked out by a proper doctor," she stared me down until I continued, "I will relent on the police front because if you don't want to press charges then I guess that's really your decision, but honey I am worried about you. And I need you to get looked at, alright?" Emily's eyes started to sparkle with tears and I squeezed her hand reassuringly,

"But A is something we keep to ourselves. Spence, if someone saw...if someone knew, it would, they'd ask questions, and I can't deal with that. I just don't want any of this to get out." She said in an incredibly calm manner. She lay her head down on my lap and my heart melted.

"That's what this is about?" I asked her incredulously, half laughing. "Baby, we will work around that. But hon, you're ribs are still bruised and are swelling, and your thighs...well, you can barely walk. Any minor injury should have at least started to heal by now." I hated to hurt her, but I knew that this was something she needed to hear, whether she liked it or not. It's true what they say, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Emily's POV

I squeezed Spencer's hand with more strength than I knew I had as we walked into the hospital. It was only when the doctor paled as he saw me that I realized I had absolutely no idea what I looked like. Spencer had obviously been trying her best to keep me as far away from mirrors as she could, obviously worrying about how I might react. Spencer must have felt the increased pressure on her hand as she wrapped an arm around my waist for extra support.

"I'm sorry, but is it possible that we see a female doctor, because, I think...yeah." the normally articulate Spencer trailed off, unable to explain her reasoning. The doctor nodded understandingly and offered us a small smile before showing us to a small room on the far side of the emergency room. We sat awkwardly in the office, neither of us sure as to what was coming next and me wishing I hadn't come. I wasn't ready for this. I couldn't blame Spencer for forcing me to though, because I knew that, had the roles been reversed, I would have done the same for her. She gave me a comforting smile and linked her fingers with mine as we waited. I looked into her eyes and trying to pretend we were somewhere, anywhere, else.

A light tap on the door interrupted the moment as a tall, redheaded doctor made her way into the room, holding a clip board in one hand and a small green box that looked awfully familiar in her other. She introduced herself as Doctor Calloway, but instructed us to call her Quinn. She talked for a few minutes, small talk about how quiet work was and the weather, trying (and failing miserably) to put me at ease before she took on the mammoth task in hand.

"The first thing I want to say is that this is a confidential visit that should not and will not involve the authorities, and second is that Emily does not wish to recount how she obtained these injuries. She's been very traumatized and was reluctant to come, but I believe that she has bruising on the bone of all of her ribs and most likely a few cracks. She had also suffered horrific wounds to both thighs in which her skin was punctured and the muscle ripped, although the right is far worse than the left she is struggling to put weight on both. She also obtained severe bruising and bite marks to the breasts and neck." Spencer spoke for me in a successful attempt to avoid her questioning me. The doctor looked impressed at Spencer's detailed diagnosis,

"Med student?" she asked, Spencer laughed, flattered,

"Nope, Rosewood High School." She smiled, the doctors eyes widened,

"Well, I'm certainly impressed with your knowledge." She said as she laid a sheet across the infamous table and started to prepare a vast array of bandages and medical equipment. "Okay, Emily, I think I'm ready. Would you mind slipping your shirt off and sitting up her for me?" normally I would have been offended by her rather patronizing tone, but today I was almost grateful.

Spencer POV

Most of the visit had been a blur in my eyes, a strange, tormenting blur. Almost like my mind was deliberately blocking out the worst parts so as to ensure i didn't stress about them. It was only when I looked at Emily that the most horrific memories were stirred in my memory.

_She's screaming. She's screaming and she's crying, but there's nothing you can do or she can change. You can't do it. You can't deal with this feeling of impotence anymore. Prepared or unprepared, this is way too much for even you to handle. In that instant you're reminded once again of just how strong she is. You were asked to leave, but the fear in her eyes ignited the fight in you like a match to magnesium; snapping, cracking and bursting into light- it's almost beaten down when it springs back up with new found energy, sparking at levels of intensity that were new to you and that others could only imagine. You look to her and allow her to lose herself in your gaze. She does and her face visibly relaxes. She's been biting her lip and a trail of fresh blood trickles down her bruised chin; you reach across and wipe away the mixture of blood and tears with the pad of your thumb, keeping your other hand in her scared grasp. _

_When your gaze finally breaks you lift your lips to her forehead and you let them rest there in a chaste but loving kiss. She leans into you and her body starts to relax as you trace intricate patterns across her sensitive back, easing some of the tension in her strained and broken muscles. You know now that the doctor is done- that this part of the trauma is, at last, over. _

Hanna POV

Spencer and Emily had only been gone for around two hours, just long enough for Aria and I to bake cookies and settle down to watch a movie, but it seemed like years. I was dying to know how they were, what had happened, and, possibly the one I was most nervous about, what was going to happen?

They walked into the room with the same grave and pained expression written across their faces, Emily gingerly sat in the space that Aria and I had vacated between us on the couch. Spencer disappeared for a moment before returning with a cup of the famous, and fatal, Spencer Hastings coffee. I deliberated over whether or not it would be best to hug Emily, or whether it would hurt her or make her uncomfortable. She settled it for me by slowly resting her head on my shoulder and letting me wrap an arm around her. Aria slipped 'She's all that' into the DVD player and Emily smiled as her favorite movie began to play. And as I felt her start to fall asleep on me, I knew that everything between us would work out okay. She was going to get through this, and she was going to let me help.

The quiet lasted till late that night, and in light of the recent events it was nice, just being together, in each others company and entertained by old 90's movies. The night was the perfect sleepover, with junk food and pizza, sodas and immature games.

"No, there is no way I'm doing that!" Spencer laughed as Aria whispered a dare in her ear, "Hold on a sec," she said, lifting her phone and taking the call, "Hello, yes this is she," she answered, still rolling her eyes and smirking at Aria. We heard a muffled, but serious tone on the other end and Spencer's face dropped and her eyes began to water.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six is here...R&R!

* * *

><p>Aria POV<p>

"Spence?" I asked, putting a hand on her thigh in comfort, "Spence, what happened?" she ignored me and focused her attention on Emily. She moved across to sit directly in front of Emily, who was currently wrapped in a blanket as close to Hanna as she could get who was holding her in a casual, yet protective way.

"Spence?" Emily asked, "Spence who was that?" she kept going, asking her back taking her phone anyway and looking at the last call,

"That was the doctor, Em," Spence whispered shakily, "They need you to go in tomorrow." Emily gave us all a small smile,

"That's fine, Spencer, what's wrong?" she leaned closer to her face and tucked a strand of Spencer's hair behind her ear.

"They said you need to undergo some tests Emmy, they said to bring a bag and prepare for an overnight stay…and to bring some support for everything; both the meeting and the tests." Emily nodded slowly and crinkled her forehead,

"Spence it's all going to be okay. I promise." She whispered reassuringly,

"I'm scared Em." Spencer's voice cracked and she collapsed into Emily, sobbing into her chest. It was the first time any of us had ever heard Spencer admit she was scared, and one of the few times that we'd seen her breakdown. The first was when Ali went missing. The second was when Ian tried to kill her in the bell tower. For Spencer to cry, this had to be bad.

"Do you want us to come with you tomorrow?" Hanna asked quietly, to Emily,

"Yeah, you and Spence really seem like you could use some support," I offered,

"Aria?" Spencer asked from Emily's lap, "Can I speak to you alone, please?" I nodded and helped her up before following her out of the room.

"What's up, Spence?" I asked her as I sat down beside her on a stool at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, she took a deep breath.

"I know I should be saying this to Emily first but I don't want to scare her, it's been in my head for days and days and I just, I just can't…" Spencer's words turned into sobs and I hugged her tightly to my chest, before wiping her eyes with a tissue and taking her hand. I sat and listened open mouthed as she talked, knowing all the while that this is what she'd needed since the night in the shower.

Spencer POV

For the first time in my life I had no words. Suspicion and threat is one thing, but a conformation was crushing. Thousands of thoughts ran through my head as I tucked the sheets around Emily, kissed her forehead, shut off the light and crawled into the cot that the hospital had provided.

"Goodnight Em," I whispered to the already sleeping Emily as I closed my eyes.

"Spence?" she whispered into the blackness of the night, my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I saw her pat the bed beside her, "I don't like it." She cried, I knew what she meant. I hated hospitals, too.

"Spence?" she asked again, "Will you sleep in here with me tonight?" I smiled and slipped into bed with her wrapping my arms around her waist. "That feels safe," she said quietly, I kissed her hair. "Sleep tight." She yawned and nestled further down into the blankets and into me.

Aria POV

I sat alone in my room and flicked through the book Ezra had given me, only reading the words written in his inscription, the rest of the words and pages were a blur. My phone beeped. _Please God, not now A._ I thought, incredibly relieved, when I saw it was a message from Hanna. _I don't want to be alone. _I picked up my keys before I had even replied and ran to my car. I was at Hanna's in three minutes flat. We embraced warmly for what seemed like hours. We headed up to her room and tried to forget the situation in hand.

"We should take a trip." Hanna said thoughtfully, "You know, for Emily, it would be a nice distraction for her. And she needs a break, so does Spence, and so do we. " I smiled,

"That's a nice idea," I said nodding, "Not too far out of state though, I think that might put too much pressure on her." I voiced my concern and Hanna rolled her eyes,

"Aria, I love you, but you worry too much. We should road trip! That would be so cool!" she squealed excitably, I laughed,

"Very cool," we sat and we talked, planning our fantasy road trip till the very early hours of the morning.

Hanna POV

In retrospect, the day had been far harder than it seemed at the time; right now, I was crying for the first time in a few days, well, since it all started, but now…it all seemed too real. Only now.

"_Emily!" You raise your voice to get her attention as you call across the kitchen, "Emily!" she jumps violently as the harsh reality of your voice pulls her back down to earth,_

"_Hmm?" she asks, her eyes wide with unknown emotion, _

"_I just said that Spencer's gone back to the car...are you alright?" there's something about her looked that makes your voice soften completely. She closes her eyes momentarily then sighs, _

"_Sorry, what did-?" she starts before you cut her off, _

"_Don't worry I think I have my answer." You murmur, stepping closer to her. She turns away and pretends to be busy in the kitchen, opening the cupboards and rearranging the glasses, only to put them back into the same order as they were before._

"_Emily," You pause and wonder how to approach the subject, "What happened? You know, that night?" she freezes where she is and the glass she was holding shatters into a thousand pieces and we watch, strangely mesmerized as they fall in malicious snowflakes and scatter at our feet. She says nothing but shakes her head slowly as she falls to her knees and begins to sweep the shards into a pile with her shaking hands,_

"_Hey, don't do that," you whisper softly as you reach out to stop her hands. Your skin doesn't even make contact with hers before she jerks away from you as if burned. She stands with her back to you as though you're not even there, seemingly oblivious to your presence. _

"_What the-?" you hear Spencer's voice from the door way and you stand up to face her, she gently lowers her duffle bag to the floor, never once breaking eye contact with you. That's the possibly greatest part of your friendship with Spencer, your ability to communicate without words, but right now, all you're getting is the message that she is just as scared as you are. She drops the remaining bag off of her shoulder and makes her way slowly over to the sink where Emily's standing. _

"_Hey buddy, what's wrong?" she stage whispers in Emily's ear, she turns her head away but Spencer persists, "come on," she pleads, "look at me?" there's a moment of silence, but that silence says it all. It takes a moment before she looks back around; she lowers her head and focuses on the running water falling around her hand, mixing with the blood that's pouring out between her knuckles. _

"_I'm bleeding." She whispers, tensing every muscle in her body, I see Spencer take it all in as she stands with a protective stance over our best friend, and I'm left only to ponder the feeling I often get, that they know something important that I don't. _

"_I can see that," Spence laughs gently, "Come on now, let me take a look." She tenses further and moves as far away from Spencer as the confined space will allow._

"_I'm bleeding." Spencer snaps, she tries to sound frustrated, maybe even a little angry, but to me she just sounds scared. Spencer looks up and smiles weakly at me before looking back down to Emily, _

"_Sweetie I know you're scared, but please, please, let me see." She shakes her head softly,_

"_You shouldn't be touching me," she murmurs, almost inaudibly, "No one should be touching me!" she's shrieking now, screaming and crying and it's bordering on hysterical behavior, but strangely, it was scarier when she was quiet. Much scarier. _

"_Emily." Spencer says firmly, she shrieks again and cries harder, "Emily Fields!" Emily stills at the use of her full name and Spencer slips an arm around her waist, resting her hand on her hip to hold her in place as she reaches her arm out to take Emily's hand in her own. _

_I peer over the counter top to see into the sink and instantly wish I hadn't. I don't know whether it's the _

"_Buddy, I gotta see how bad you're hurt, okay? You might need stitches." Emily pressed her lips together and screwed up her eyes as Spencer turned her hand over and open her fist underneath the running water, exposing the deep cut in her hand to the full pressure of the water. She grimaces and you feel as though you've been punched in the stomach as, with every second that's passing, the fears you've had for the past few days are becoming more and more real. _

"_There," Spencer whispers as she reaches to turn of the faucet, "It's not so bad, is it?" she giggles at her own patronizing tone as I roll my eyes and Emily quietens, "down the hall, second left, go get yourself a Band-Aid, okay?" she asks, kissing Emily gently on the temple before relinquishing her hold on Emily who smiles weakly at me as she catches my eye._

"_It's okay," I whisper, "No questions asked," she nods and backs out the room, cradling her hand to her chest as though protecting me. _

"_Spencer, what was that?" I ask, turning away from Emily, only to see Spencer staring blankly at the air beside me, a single tear running down her pale cheek. _

"_She was raped, Han." She whispers. I close my eyes as the fear I've had in my mind since I first saw her was confirmed at last. _

"_Yeah, I thought..." I start, only to stop as I feel a lump come to my throat and tears come to my eyes. My head spins out of control as it all came crashing in to place. Rape. Blood. It was her blood. I blanched and fell to my knees as I fit together to puzzle that had become my best friends fate. _

Suddenly it all came into focus. Every strange comment, protective instinct and medical test. Every pill she took; the way she screamed when she bled and wouldn't allow anybody to touch her. The three little letters spun round and round in my head in blurred my vision, combining with my tears to block out the world.

* * *

><p>Thankyou to everybody who's read or reviewed...let me know you're opinions or requests :)<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

This chapter is very tragic, as will the next one be...sorry, but it had to be done /3

This chapter is for PrincyJessie my most loyal reviewer...thankyou!

* * *

><p>Spencer POV<p>

Emily had changed a lot lately; actually, this whole event had changed us all. Change is something that cannot be helped, a way of life, sometimes good, sometimes bad. But, in a way; it might have changed us for the better…just like Ali's murder did. It sounds harsh, but really, we wouldn't have been friends forever. I knew that and I knew that the other girls knew it too. When Ali died it changed us all, even her, but in a way, it preserved her memory in the way she would have wanted. Mysterious; tragic; and so beautiful. Deliciously tragic…exactly what she wanted, because 'that's immortality, my darlings.' It was true what I said; Ali was a movie, and it still was her movie, we were just filling the screen. She still called the shots, and the hits were getting harder and harder, the manipulation Hanna had dealt with through her mothers' 'unauthorized loan', the constant fear, or thrill, that Aria endured concerning Ezra, the police trials and framing that I had suffered…but none of that even began to scratch the surface as to what Emily was now struggling through, something that would always affect her in more ways than one.

With the imminent threat of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases weighing her down, Emily's ersatz façade of strength was growing weaker and weaker but the hour, physically and emotionally draining her of all her energy and motivation. Hanna, Aria and I were all watching her closely for any signs of self destructive or depressed behavior…but Emily stayed, seemingly Emily-ish. From the outside, anyway. She was humorous and beautiful and sweet as ever. She was Emily the martyr, the way she'd always been. Except in the quiet moments; when she thought no-one was watching; she'd gaze off into space, zoning out of this world entirely. Her cheeks would redden and her eyes would brim with tears, and I knew where she was. She was back in the alley, back to that night, back where she'd come into such close contact with A but not been given any clue to their identity. Of course, I was sure we had ways of finding out. Using the DNA preserved on the rape kit, we could trace A. I hadn't voiced this to Emily, but I had to Aria. She'd thought it seemed like a good idea, but what if it wasn't A? What if A had once again hired someone to do their dirty work, after all, Logan Reed had been sent in A's place to meet them in the woods so long ago now. A only messed personally when there was no way of being traced. This would be a careless move on A's part, and if there was one thing that bitch was, it was smart.

Hanna was popular. Aria was quirky. Emily was athletic. I was 'perfect'. But lately, our secrets were defining us more than our traits of personality. Hanna was starting to binge again, eating more and more yet getting thinner and thinner. Bulimic. Aria was jumpy, always looking over her shoulder and erasing her messages as soon as she'd gotten them. Paranoid. Emily was afraid, avoiding all men and self conscious in a way that she had never, ever been before. Terrified. And me? The truth that even I didn't know for certain was catching up with me, my emotions playing with me even more than A. Conflicted.

Emily POV

'Friends share secrets, that's what keeps us close.' Ali's words echoed round and round inside my head. _Yeah, right,_ I thought, _not this one._ I looked down at the top of my thigh, and cringed as I looked and silently berated myself. _What would the others say? _The voice in my head tormented me. I knew that voice, I'd know it anywhere. The voice was of Alison DiLaurentis; my best friend, my confident, the girl I loved…my worst enemy. She'd broken my heart and I still struggled to think about her and not cry; it was hard with Ali in a way it wasn't with any of my other exes: Maya had gone, and I missed her still sometimes; Paige was bitter and still closeted, and things with Samara were complicated. But with Alison, it wasn't the memory of what once was that pulled on my heart strings and left me emotionally paralyzed, but the thought of what could have been. Out of all my 'What if's' Ali was the largest and the most painful. Ali was dead, I knew that, I'd seen the body wheeled out of the house the night it had all really started again. I'd thrown dirt on her coffin as I watched it lowered into the ground. I'd said goodbye. But a tiny part of me, the part which saw past all of Ali's bitterness and mind games, refused to believe she was dead. And it was that part that was the weak link within me, that part was my sweetest downfall.

I felt frantically through the suffocating darkness until my fingertips touched it- smooth, slender and somehow superior to everything else. Cold; Ice cold- it was so small, and yet, so powerful, so...beautiful. I could see it glinting in the darkness despite that it gave no light, it shone radiantly to me. In that moment I could see nothing but the luminous blade shining in the stifling blackness.

My heart drummed against my chest so hard that the sound filled my brain as if it were trying to drown out the ominous silence. As I gripped the blade, I thought about everything I'd experienced, everything that had happened to me, squeezing it tighter with every thought, almost enjoying the pain; the feeling of the sharp, cold metal slicing through my skin contrasted with the burning sensation of the broken flesh and the warm blood trickling down my hand. Then I thought of something...the three most important people in my life. They were my world. Could I do it? Could I do that to them? Could I do that for them? Maybe Spencer, Aria and Hanna would be better off without me…I was 'the nice one' but they didn't need me. Ali had called me 'killer' because of my protective streak, but I knew that it had weakened, just like every other aspect of my persona. Spencer was the rock, that everyone could talk to…Aria was mature, who gave the greatest advice, and Hanna was protective and sweet, she lightened the mood and cheered everyone up. I didn't fit and I wasn't needed. But Ali had always needed me, or at least, that's what she told me. She told me that I was always her favorite and she loved me. She knew I needed her and we could have been happy. Now I needed her…and that was the last thing I thought as I gave into the horrific temptation of the devil in me.

Aria POV

The scream had startled me into action after freezing me to the core. It was Hanna's scream, I'd know it anywhere. Scary movies and roller coasters, always the same, shrill and blood curdling. I rushed outside into the yard and stopped dead, Hanna was curled into a ball, screaming and sobbing at the sight in front of her. But i couldn't scream and I couldn't even register a single movement that I was making. All I knew was I had to help her. Even if I couldn't see her through my clouded vision. In a heartbeat Spencer was beside me. We were both in the pool and swimming as fast as we could. It's amazing what you can do when someone's life depends on it, especially if that person is someone you care about. Someone you love. I grabbed on side of Emily and with Spencer's help we pulled her back to the surface and out onto the hard tiled floor. I watched Spencer press her fingertips to her neck in a hopeless prayer and saw the look of disbelieving anger spread across her face. I saw the look and threw up, crashing to my knees and cradling my head in my hands. When I looked up Spencer was straddling Emily's hips and compressing her chest hard. Hitting her with such extreme pressure I was certain Emily would break…_eighteen, nineteen, and twenty. _Spencer pinched Emily's nose and tilted her head back, pressing her lips to Emily's and blowing hot air into her lungs. I watched her chest rise and fall as I subconsciously picked up Hanna's phone that lying a few feet away and dialed 911. I uttered the address in a state of intense numbness and put down the phone. Spencer's lips collided with Emily's again, harder this time, more desperate.

"Please," she choked out, continuing her chest compressions but not in the same way. There was no rhythm anymore, no counting and no merit. Just sheer desperation, her tears were falling thick and fast as she pressed her lips to Emily's one last time. Though not in CPR, in a passionate loving, desperate kiss. "I love you, Emily," she whispered, laying her head on Emily's chest, as close to her heart as she could get. "I always will."

Spencer POV

_The words blurred through my head, _

"_We tried, we really did. It was too late. We're sorry." The words sounded automated and insincere. Rehearsed. I screamed. It wasn't supposed to be this way. This wasn't how it ended. _

"Spence?" Hanna shook me gently, "Spence, the doctors here." She whispered. The doctor emerged looking grave and perplexed. He shook his head,

"We tried, we really did." He started, avoiding eye contact with the three of us,

"Just like I dreamed," I whispered too quiet for anyone to hear,

"It was too late-" I switched off, I didn't want to hear this again. I didn't want it to end. Not like this, not without her knowing. She couldn't leave. It wasn't how it was meant to be. I started to cry, soft sobs. I ignored the comfort because I wanted the pain, I wanted to feel how she felt. I needed the connection.

"Spence?" Hanna asked, she was crying, but she was smiling. "Spence, did you hear that?"

The doctor smiled awkwardly,

"She's comatose right now, but I'm sure she can hear you. She could probably use the comfort." He states so matter of fact it made me angry, he didn't know her, he doesn't know her. Not like I do. No-one knows here like I do.

"Will she…will she wake up?" I choked out, he smiled wryly,

"In all probability, yes. But we can't say for sure when it could be days or it could be months." And with that I ran. Alone. I needed to see her, to hear her breathing and to see her face. I needed to tell her I loved her. I needed to be near her more desperately than I needed to breathe. After all, Emily was my life support, and now, I would be hers.

* * *

><p>It will get better though, i promise! There will be a happy ending! Xx<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

I'm just gonna let you read this..

* * *

><p>Spencer POV<p>

She lies, still and bruised, so small and broken. Her chest rises and falls softly, following the rhythm of the respirator as it pushes air in and out of her tired lungs. It fills the room with a mechanical noise, as if, since the accident, she's become robotic. You shut your eyes tightly and try to block out the proof, the evidence of your betrayal, but it doesn't work. Even when you close your eyes, you can still perfectly picture the montage of red and purple that is her skin, still see the tears seeping from under her eyelids. You don't like to see her cry. It tugs at something deep within you— something primordial, something raw. It tugs and pulls and scratches at your insides. You can feel the blood seeping into your throat and lungs, filling your mouth with regret. You hate to see her cry.

Doctors and nurses were rushing and shouting and pressing and stitching earlier. They were racing to save her. They're not sure if it worked, yet. You hope with all your broken heart it worked. It's different in here, the feeling. It feels heavy and bloody and hot. It feels stifling and thick and sad. It feels like too much to bear, and she's still on the bed. The doctors and nurses and their shouted commands are gone. There's nothing more they can do. That scares you.

Fear is a funny thing, you find. It drives some people, inhibits others. You're not sure which kind you are yet. Right now, you're terrified and stationary. Your feet won't pick up off the floor and your eyes won't tear from her face. But before, before you were racing and fighting and screaming and crying. You were a tornado you were unstoppable the only thing on your mind was her. Maybe you're a strange mixture of the two. Maybe you're an anomaly. Maybe you're broken.

Actually, you know you're broken. You have been for years. You tried many different ways to hold it together-Sellotape and staples and paper-Mache; alcohol and cocaine and working too hard. All broken impulses towards perfection. None of that worked, none of that held you up and together like you wanted. You were still noticeably broken. But she knew what would work. She knew, with her laugh and her sparkling eyes and the silly moments where she just let go. She had the glue and the staples and the right kind of tape. And she held you together long after you fell apart yourself. What an incredible feeling it was, finally being fixed.

She's broken now. It's a tragedy, you know, and you have no idea how to fix it. She had all the glue and staples and tape. She had the plaster and the nails and the hammer. You're empty-handed. You hope it's a dream. A nightmare. Or even a psychotic episode. Anything would be better than this crimson reality. Whatever it is, you want out of it. You want to be back in your yard, on your trampoline, twisting her hair around your fingers and talking about the future. Not here... never here.

The robot breathing is steady, but you're worried. You're worried it'll stop. You're worried you won't be able to save her like you promised; you told her everything would be okay, that you'd always be there to make everything better- you promised her. You lied to her. The room is thick with anxiety. You wonder if she can feel it in her unfeeling state.

No change. It's been days and days of waiting, and there's no change. Where's the vibrant, fiery girl that never took no for an answer? Where's your best friend with her dimples and her charm? You haven't seen her in days and days and there's still no change.

The doctors' shoulders are getting heavier and heavier every time you speak with them. Their eyes are growing wearier and their mouths turn down sharply, parenthesis around the words you're terrified to hear. It's been days and days. It's been forever.

The robot breathing remains the same. It's a strange and perverse comfort, but it's a comfort nonetheless. Meaningless words of consolation and support beat down on your shoulders. You don't want their words or their pitying eyes; you want her smile, you want her laugh. Everyone else is a disappointment.

Days and days, weeks and weeks, it's been so long. The scars have faded on your skin. The blood washed away, down the drain in a swirl. You can barely tell you ever even endured such a trying event. But she remains still and mechanical. The steady robot breathing is losing its comforting allure.

It's raining the day the robot breathing shuts off, though you both hated the rain, it seemed appropriate. You watch as her chest rises softly once and stops. Tears leak from beneath her eyelids in a cascade of sorrow down her beautiful face and you know now what she's crying for. You want to wipe them away but your hands are shaking too badly. Raw and ancient sobs rip up your throat, pulling your stomach into your mouth. You can feel your heart fall to pieces inside your chest, shatter and break until it fills your chest with shards of a broken girl. It fills your lungs and you're choking.

You have begun to switch off from the world. You are hearing and seeing no-one, except for her, the one you are always in sync with. You hear something, someone calling your name and know immediately who it is- you'd recognize that voice anywhere. As she rushes you, her face already crumpling in grief, you barely register that you're moving and meeting her halfway, your voice already choked in a half- sob. Your arms become a tangled mess as you wrap them so tightly around the other girl that you're sure she can't breathe. Then the tears threaten to fall because you know that if Aria Montgomery is on the verge of breaking down, you have no reason to be strong anymore.

She pulls back for a moment, just a moment though you swear to God its hours and it's the way her voice hitches when she attempts to speak and the slight shiver you feel up her spine that does it. Your stronghold breaks then and you can now feel the wetness on your fingers but you're no longer wiping Aria's tears off of her face. No, your hands are currently cradling your head as tears seep through your eyes. When Hanna whispers your name with a heavy tinge of sadness, you realize that you're crumpled on the floor. Your knees have given out- and you're the one that is making those God-awful hitching sounds. You sound like you're dying- but your mind in that moment cruelly reminds you that you are the one that is very much alive- your best friend is the person hanging by a moment. Warm arms engulf you- as they both join you on the floor- and cry with you, Aria's head laid on top of yours as you pour out your fear into her chest. You can feel your heart fall to pieces inside your chest, shatter and break until it fills your chest with shards of a broken girl. It fills your lungs and you're choking.

The doctors, with their sloping shoulders and bracketed mouths, look to you sadly. They're sorry, you know, but it doesn't help. You remain on the floor, breaking your ribs with the force of your sobs. You don't think anyone in the history of the world has ever felt this heartbreak. But you find it doesn't matter anymore. What a horrible feeling, filling your stomach with acidic regret, clenching your heart in between its iron fingers until it breaks and gushes and fills your lungs. Maybe you'll drown like this. You think you already have.

* * *

><p>PLEASE REVIEW! Things will get happier i promise...next update after the next five reviews! Xx<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

The Start Of A Happy Ending...Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Aria POV<p>

It had been weeks now, and it wasn't Emily's health that I was worried about the most. It was Spencer's. We had the all clear on Emily now; she was just waiting until she was ready to wake up in her own time. Her doses of medication had been slowly decreasing and the wounds to her wrists had almost completely healed. But Spencer was sick. She'd stayed by Emily's bed side permanently for three and a half weeks, barely sleeping and barely eating, growing skinner and paler. The most un-Spencer characteristic though was her school work. She'd not been back to school yet, even though the semester had started over a week ago. Spencer had always been, in the nicest way possible, a geek. She was the type of girl who thrived on new books and good grades, missing the first day of the semester were alien to her. But there she was, asleep finally, with her head resting on Emily's bed, her hand still cradling Emily's. I walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed, _SOS _I texted Hanna. Something needed to be done about this; her homework was done, of course, but slipping behind in school was never something that Spencer would allow to happen. I ran my fingers through her hair, it was tied back in a messy ponytail, a way that Spencer never wore it, and I doubted that it had been washed since Emily was brought in. I sighed and wondered when the last time she'd changed her clothes or taken a shower was; not recently enough that's for sure. I placed a hand on her back and shivered when I felt how thin she really was. I was close to tears now, "Spencer?" I whispered, as she stirred, "Spence?" she looked at me, her eyes half closed,

"Aria?" she slurred, "What are you doing here?" I sighed,

"I'm being your friend Spence, and friends don't let friends make themselves ill. I want you to go home, take a shower, eat, and get a good night's sleep. This isn't healthy." I said softly,

"No." she said defiantly, "I'm not leaving Emily. No way." I rolled my eyes,

"That's what I thought you'd say." I lifted the bag I'd brought with me off the floor. "So, I brought you everything you need." She smiled. "Emily's room has an ensuite bathroom, go take a shower, wash your hair and change, then you're going to come out and eat a decent meal." I instructed, she was about to protest so I cut her off, "I will stay with Emily, I promise." I squeezed her hand and gave her a small smile. She took the bag and disappeared.

"Hey Em," I whispered, "I wonder if you can hear me? If you can then please, please open your eyes. We need you Emily. Especially Spencer. God, she hasn't left your side, but you know that right? We all care about you, and we all love you so much. We can't do this alone, we need our Emily. Our killer. Wow, remember when Ali called you that? I think she was right, you've always protected us…you've always been there and I-I can't think what I'd do without you, Em…" my voice trailed off as I quietly sobbed. "I can't go through life without you. None of us can, and we won't Emmy, we won't lose you like we lost Alison. God, I was a mess Em, I couldn't stand it anymore, I got depressed and that's why we moved, I needed a fresh start. But you? You mean more to me than Alison ever did." I brushed my lips against her cheek softly, still holding tightly to her hand. "Just protect me one more time. Just wake up."

Hanna POV

"No Mona!" I said yet again, I was starting to get seriously frustrated with her,

"Seriously, why do you keep spending so much time at the hospital, the girls practically dead anyway, there's no point in wasting your time sat there. She'd not even awake." Mona drawled. Slowly I raised my eyes in a glare, if looks could kill, Mona would be dying a very slow and painful death right now.

"I cannot believe you just said that." I said. My voice was surprisingly strong considering I had tears falling thick and fast down my face; "As of this moment, our friendship is over." And with that I turned and walked away, never looking back. I could hear Mona protesting in the background but I didn't care; our friendship had been good, but never real. I'd never connected with her in the way I had with Aria, or Emily or Spencer…even the way I had with Alison. Mona Vanderwaal had been the best friend of the 'it' girl of Rosewood, but she had never been my best friend, because I had never been what I pretended to be. I hadn't known who I was for so long, but I knew I was closer to finding it now.

Aria POV

"Here, come sit." I tapped the chair next to me as Spencer emerged from the bathroom, she was wrapped in a thick white dressing gown, but she looked slightly brighter. She sat beside me and I took a towel and started to tousle her hair dry. She closed her eyes as I combed it through and I wondered when the last time Spencer had been looked after was. She'd always been the most independent, growing away from her parents by the age of ten. I brushed it until most of the water was gone and French braided it down her back. She smiled appreciatively,

"Melissa used to braid my hair," she whispered, "When we were younger, every morning before school. And if anybody dared say anything against me, they'd deal with her. I can't think when that changed." My heart broke as she whispered that. I'd personally always wanted a sister; Hanna, Spencer and Emily were the closest thing I'd ever gotten to it. They were the only people I'd ever let get close enough that I felt I could get mad with them and I wouldn't lose them, the sort of people I needed in life. It was hard wanting a sister and not having one, but having one and her hating you? That's got to be harder. I'd never seen Spencer look so vulnerable before, I wondered who had the privilege to see her like this, she never let her guard down really.

Hanna arrived at six with dinner and the three of us sat and ate in near silence. It was too hard to pretend to be happy and normal when Emily was comatose next to us. But, by the time we left, Spencer was happier and, at least, cleaner than before and, although I still wasn't happy leaving her, I thought she'd be okay now.

Spencer POV

I sat and talked to Emily, like I did every night, her hand in mine. I talked about random stuff, still unsure of whether or not she was listening to me. At times I thought she was, it was comforting but a strange sensation of being alone in company.

"…So, A has been quiet lately. Either she's plotting or she's finally over whatever grudge she has against us." I laughed nervously, "We can hope. You were so clever with that suicide note, Em, the way you figured it out. It was so clever. Everyone thinks I'm the smart one, and yeah, I'm good at algebra and I can talk about the Russian revolution, but you're clever when it counts Em. And that's just one of the things I love about you. Just one…" I murmured the last part and then took a deep breath. I needed to practice this for when she was awake. "I love everything about you, Emily. The way you care so much about everyone and you never hurt anybody. You're incredibly talented, but so modest you won't let anyone celebrate your achievements. You have a protective streak a mile long and you'd do anything for anybody. You're smart and…so, so, so beautiful. Oh God…I-I-I love you Emily Fields. I love you with the faith I seemed to lose, and I love the way you'd know exactly what poem that quote is from. 'And if God chose, I shall but love thee better after death.' That's so true Emmy. I'll always love you. I told you that remember? I tried to save you, but even if you can't be saved I'll always love you." I sobbed and clung to her body, my head lying on her chest. I felt a hand reach up to my hair and stroke it,

"Shh," she whispered hoarsely, her throat sounded dry and crackly with tears but it was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. "Don't…cry…" she whispered. I looked into her eyes and she closed them again, exhausted. "The…the…" she feebly attempted,

"Come on Em," I begged, "Tell me what you need to say!" she choked slightly, and her breathing regained its steady pace.

"Your…bag. Letter. You need…" she trailed of and fell asleep again, but a fitful sleep. She was moving. She was awake. I sat and stared at her, tears running down my face…happy tears. I grabbed my bag off of the floor, the one I'd brought with me the first day and rifled through it until my fingertips found a thin sheet of paper. Pulling it out I saw my name written across it in her perfect writing. I shook as I unfolded it and took a deep breath.

_Spencer;_

_God, I've wanted to write this for so long, to tell you how I feel. I just never thought it would be like this. You've always been my favorite. I love Hanna and I love Aria and I loved Ali, but there was always something with you. Something about the way we connected, the way you always took my side, the way you argued my case when I was too scared, and I didn't even need to ask you to…you just did. You've always had my back, and in recent events you've done more than anyone could ever ask of a best friend; you took care of me when I was hurt, you fixed me when I was broken and you held me when I was scared. you loved me when i was a mess, my own worst enemy. Spencer, without you I would never have made it through these past weeks, you were my rock. Something to cling to when everything else was spinning out of control. Something steady. I never loved anyone like I love you._

_You make me feel beautiful, when i have nothing left to prove. You're always there. You know what I feel and i don't even have to say a word. You're my safe place, the place I run, you know how it hurts when everything falls apart. There's no me without you._

_There's so much I could say about how I feel. But there are no words, and quite honestly not enough hours in a day to say it. Which is why I can do this. Spencer, I know my decision here will hurt you, but I need you to promise you will move on and be happy, that's all I ever want for you Spencer, to be happy. So do it. Make me proud. Thank you Spencer, for loving me always. I will always be with you, in your heart just like you will always be in mine._

_I feel like we're destined to be, like we've always been together. That our souls have met in every life, only to be brought together by fate. My soulmate. So this is not goodbye, this is until we meet again._

_Be happy Spence, I'll always be there, watching over you,_

_Infinite love and affection, _

_Em _

* * *

><p>Hope you liked it! FYI the quote is from sonnet 43. Review please!<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

Hey guys, sorry for the slight delay, have been trying to get this up but my laptop broke :/

Nothing Tragic this chapter, everythings pretty happy...enjoy and review!

* * *

><p>Two Weeks Later<p>

Spencer POV

"Guess who?" I heard a familiar voice exclaim as a pair of hands wrapped around my eyes, I laughed as I spun around and grabbed my attacker by the waist, tickling her gently until she gasped for air,

"Why are you out of bed, young lady?" I scolded her playfully, "The doctor said bed rest- definition: rest in bed." She rolled her eyes and waited for a chance to explain,

"I was bored, and I needed some company. Besides, he said gentle activity." I raised my eyebrows and laughed at her, scooping her up with one arm under her legs and the other around her waist.

"That's enough gentle activity for today." I said as I started walking back towards her room, she giggled and struggled playfully before nuzzling my neck with her face.

"But Spencer…" she whined, I pressed a finger to her lips and she giggled again. It was good to have her back. There had come a point when I had almost lost faith. Not in her though, I had lost faith in the doctors, in science and in the world, but not in Emily…never had I once given up hope on Emily.

"So, what do you want to do now?" I asked, putting her back in her bed and tucking her in, "and getting up is not an option." She pouted and I rolled my eyes, sitting down next to her and wrapping my arm around her shoulders protectively.

"Nothing," she whispered, "I just want to stay right here." I smiled and kissed her forehead gently,

"That sounds perfect."

Emily's nurse walked in to her room about a half hour after Emily had gotten back in bed, she smiled and asked Em how she was feeling before requesting to speak with me alone.

"Don't worry," she said in response to Emily's pouty face, "You can have her back in a minute, and she can bring a chair with her." Emily glared at the nurse.

"She's perfect right here," she said, patting the bed next to her with a very satisfied smile. I winked at her as I followed her nurse out of the room.

"So, how do you think she's doing?" the nurse asked me, I sighed, I was the only one who saw Emily without the brave face. And even then, that wasn't very often.

"Better," I replied shortly, "Than she was. She's more herself lately and she's less tired. She's bored actually, she wants to go home, or at least to be able to get up and move about more. It's killing her, it really is." I winced at the word killing and really regretted my word choice, the nurse nodded and smiled.

"Well, I have her discharge papers, but it is a lot to handle…" she started to talk me through a chart she'd drawn up of Emily's various medications, when and how to take them, their uses and how long they'd be needed. She then showed me various diagrams of how to wrap her injuries and the appointment list for her physiotherapy appointments. When she was done she handed me everything, "That's everything you need. i need to keep her in for one more night, and after that, she's all yours." She smiled and patted my arm. _All mine. _I felt giddy at how good that sounded, how good it felt that my Emily was back…my Emily.

As I looked at her now, fast asleep in my arms, I knew I'd made the right choice. I'd told her how I felt. She'd told me in her letter…her suicide note. We hadn't talked about that, something told me neither of us was ready to have that talk, about what made her want to end her life, about how she'd hidden it all so well. But the relationship talk had been easy. Actually, it was the first thing she said when she woke up. She'd opened her eyes properly for the first time and I'd burst into tears, Em, on the other hand, had very calmly said, 'So, you love me, huh?' with her cheeky smile. Typical Emily, scare the crap out of me and act as if nothing had happened. We'd talked then, for hours and hours, about everything and nothing, telling each other random things that we already knew but just loved being able to talk about again. We'd talked late into the night…all night. She was my girlfriend. My girlfriend on hold, but my girlfriend nonetheless. It was my idea to stall the relationship; and she agreed, saying that she needed to focus on getting better first. It worked best this way, we'd be more than friends, so we'd have each other there all the time, to love and support and connect with…and the way she described it, made me realize that we'd been more than friends for years.

Hanna POV

"Hanna," Aria whispered in my ear, shaking me gently, "Hanna!" _Ouch, that was less gentle; _I groaned and rolled over,

"Go away." I moaned from underneath my pillow which had so far succeeded in blocking out absolutely nothing,

"Hanna I need to talk to you."

"Why can't you schedule a crisis for the daylight hours?" I muttered, rolling over to face her, but keeping my eyes tightly shut,

"I'm late." She whispered, "Like, really late."

"Huh? Wait-what? How? Ezra?" I was wide awake now and had, subconsciously, placed my hand on my best friends stomach, "Oh my God, Aria, really?" I whispered, looking deep into her eyes,

"No!" she rolled her eyes, "But I did need to talk to you about something and that was the only way I could think of to wake you up." I bit my lip to avoid my mouth from curling into a sly smile as I thought of something,

"Me too, I'm glad you woke me up."

"Okay then," she looked taken aback, "Well, I was gonna say that I think we should do something, the four of us, like, that trip we talked about, Spencer's parents have houses all over the country, or we could road trip and stay in hotels, we could leave tomorrow and take Spencer's car, its biggest, we could take it in turns to drive...what do you think?" she trailed off,

"I think I need to talk before you think anymore about it because it might change how you think about it and I really hope it doesn't but if it does then I totally understand," I fought very hard to control a malicious laugh, "I think I'm in love with you." Her mouth fell open but she didn't look away, I held her gaze for what seemed like hours, neither of us moved or spoke. I couldn't control myself anymore, I threw my head back and laughed harder than I thought was possible,

"Oh my God!" I screamed through my laughter, wiping at the tears that had started to fall down my face, "You should have seen your face!"I took in a deep breath and tried to regain some of my composure but as soon as I met her eye again I cracked, "Dude, you're so gullible!" she shook her head slowly,

"That was cruel." She said darkly, I shook my head, grinning,

"That was payback." She slapped me upside the head and we broke burst into fits of laughter again,

"Oh, you think it's funny?" she exclaimed, starting to tickle me mercilessly,

"Dude!" I screamed, slapping her hands away, "You told me you were pregnant!"

"And, that was so obviously not true!"

"Oh, but my being gay wasn't?" we both giggled,

"Well, it's not exactly a first in our lives is it?"

"Rise and shine!" I called, walking into Emily's hospital room and switching on the light, I squealed at Aria and she rolled her eyes,

"I wonder when they're gonna tell us?" she whispered, and I sighed, looking at how cute Spencer and Emily looked, all snuggled up together on the single bed. Emily was the first to stir and promptly began poking Spencer in the ribs until she too rose from the bed.

"Come on, up and dressed Em," I commanded, pulling out a pair of her jeans, a tank top and a pair of sneakers along with her underwear and socks. "Nice bra, by the way Em, it's really pretty, where did you get it?" I asked as she grabbed it out of my hands,

"Victoria's secret," she murmured as she slid it around her waist and up under her hospital gown, "And when did you guys go into my house and get all my things?" she asked suspiciously, I tapped the side of my head and winked,

"It's like this, dumbass," Aria laughed, tapping her nose with her pointer finger, "and this morning Em." She said, rolling her eyes at me.

"Come on Spence, chop chop," I called, throwing her an outfit as well, I saw how uncomfortable Emily looked at being exposed in her tank top and pulled out a hoodie, which I handed to her and helped her pull on.

"Why, exactly, do I have to be up at this hour?" Emily moaned and I threw Spencer a look as Aria started to put Emily's belongings into her bag.

"Because," Spencer said, slowly wrapping her arms around Emily's waist, "You kind of can't be here after eleven." Emily's forehead creased in confusion,

"Why not?" she asked,

"Because they only usually let patients stay here Em," she whispered in her ear and kissed her forehead gently. I giggled as I saw the light bulb flash on in Emily's mind as she figured it out. She turned around and hugged Spencer who picked her up and spun her round. I raised my eyebrows at Aria and she slapped me playfully on the arm. Emily pulled away from Spencer and hugged me, then Aria before we all pulled together in a group embrace, something we hadn't done in years.

Emily POV

Most of our life is a series of moments that pass us by like towns on the highway, but sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens and in that minute, we are hit with a rush of contrasting emotions, that rush in to your body like a part of your bloodstream and, right then, the greatest triumph is no award or great accomplishment, nothing set in stone or publically recognized, but simple clarity. The realization that this instant is so much more than a fleeting image, we know that this moment will live on forever. And that, although love and happiness are universal, this feeling is completely unique.

There are some people who look back through old photographs and diary entries and think 'that was a really good day'. I feel sorry for those people, only realizing the worth of a moment after it had passed them by so far. Realizing what they had taken for granted then and not knowing it was a "moment" at the time it occurred. I feel incredibly, genuinely and indescribably bad for them. Because I knew it then, and I know it now.

* * *

><p>Hope you liked it, next chapter will be up soon, A's been pretty quiet for a while now, huh?<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

Sorry, It's late, but my laptops almost completely broken. Hope you guys enjoy it, hopefully the next chapter will be up soon!

* * *

><p>Aria POV<p>

Some people say that ignorance is bliss. I used to agree with them; but now I've come to realize that there's little truth in it…barely any actually. Because, when you live constantly in denial and pretend not to care, the truth still catches up to you eventually and hurts you harder than ever…wiping the fake smile clean off your face and laughing at your misery.

We stood and held each other for as long as we could, forgetting the world momentarily. It was good to let go, to lose ourselves, to forget about school, college and A. about Emily's injuries and everything we were struggling with. Our reality caught up to us very severely in that moment, as if punishing us for being happy. Knock knock. The repeated sound that brought us crashing back down to earth. I turned to the others and cocked my head to the side in question as I opened the door. No-one. The hall was entirely empty, as was the stairway, whoever it was had vanished. I looked around and spotted an envelope laying on the floor, it was plain white save the black, printed label 'BITCHES'. I shivered ever so slightly as I picked it up and showed the others, Spencer nodded at me and I opened it. Inside were two things, I pulled the slip of paper out and read it aloud,

'Nowhere is safe- A' was typed on the card which I passed to Spencer as I reached for the other thing. I made my blood run cold. Enclosed in the envelope with the message was a Polaroid shot of the four of us. A Polaroid of us _three seconds before_; hugging and smiling in Emily's hospital room. Alongside the picture as a drawing done in black marker pen; it was a picture of a girl with curly hair, drawn as a stick person, the sort of thing a three year old draws when they're just learning what people actually look like. The girl was smiling and holding a knife. On the back A had written 'Remember me?' as if it were a question, with the way A stalked us we were hardly likely to forget.

Spencer POV

What exactly does it mean to be best friends? Is a best friend the person who you share your most private thoughts with, your deepest and darkest secrets, or maybe just a simple inside joke? Maybe a best friend is someone you can count on no matter what happens- wherever and whenever.

We sat on my bed that night in total silence, the picture had messed with all of us, especially Emily. She lay in my arms shaking, flinching whenever I moved away. We'd tried letting go, playing games and drinking, but no one felt right doing that.

"Alright, I don't know about anyone else, but I for one am sick of A controlling us like this. Honestly, it's pathetic. I say, we put this bitch to the back of our minds for tonight and we actually try to have some fun." Hanna stated confidently, I nodded and squeezed Emily's shoulder and she nodded too, Aria smiled,

"Okay, Hanna, truth or dare?" Aria asked, playing along with Hanna's charade of normality,

"Dare," she responded predictably, Aria thought for a second before a smirk played on her face,

"Flash," she laughed, Hanna raised her eyebrows,

"at you guys?" she asked, "That seems kinda pervy," Aria laughed again,

"No, out the window Hanna," she said, grabbing Hanna's shoulders and steering her toward the window, she didn't argue, but meekly opened the curtains and flashed before turning around and sitting down on the bed.

"Alright, Aria, truth or dare?" she asked, Aria pressed her lips into a thin line, not wishing to be subjected to one of Hanna's dares as they usually involved experimenting with lesbianism or nudity.

"Truth," Hanna smiled and responded immediately,

"Are you still a virgin?" she asked, "Cause you keep that aspect of your life very, very quiet." Aria blushed and looked down,

"Half?" she whispered, "Well, we've pretty much done everything but, you know it's never you know…" she trailed off,

"It's never quite gone the whole way in?" Hanna finished matter of factly. Aria blushed again in response, and the attention turned to Emily,

"Em, truth or dare?" she asked gently, Em smiled,

"Dare." I raised my eyebrows in shock but Em sat up, stronger now and seemingly excited,

"Kiss Spencer?" Hanna asked teasingly but tentative at the same time, I was pleased that she was being so gentle with Emily, I looked Emily straight in her beautiful brown eyes, and this would be our first kiss, well, when she was conscious. She leaned in slowly and I pressed my finger to her lips,

"Em, if you don't want to, if you're not ready we don't have to," I whispered breathlessly, but she shook her head, moving me finger and lacing her hand through mine, I gently cupped the back of her head as she titled it to the left and our lips met in the embrace of my life. Some people say when they kiss their true love they see fireworks. I saw lightening. Hot, intense, life changing beautiful lightening. The sparks of a new beginning. When we broke apart, all I wanted was to do it again. To press my lips to hers and to never, never ever break apart. I knew in that moment that it was Emily- 'the one', my soul mate, the girl of my dreams, my everything.

"Wow…" Aria whispered, I wrapped my arms around Emily and pulled her close to me, she settled with her head on my chest and almost instantly fell asleep, a deep, happy sleep. Soon after that, Hanna passed out too, lying flat across the bed in between myself and Aria, she looked at me and smiled.

"So, how long have you felt like this about her?" she asked sweetly, I looked down at Emily where she was lying in my arms and gently brushed a stand of her perfect hair from her beautiful face.

"A while now, I guess, I mean, I've always felt stronger emotion towards her. I mean, I love you, and I'd never want to see you hurt. But with her? I's like, a burning desire to destroy anyone who causes her to shed a tear, and when she lets me hold her it makes me want to cry. Every time she touches me, my skin burns at the connection. The passion, the fear, the longing and desire, everything's just so much stronger with Emily. All the colors are brighter, clichés are truer, every song has a meaning and every minute of my life just seems to be better because I know I have her. It's like living in high definition, everything's just richer and better. With Emily, I know that I don't have to be perfect. That if I don't get into an Ivy League school or get a great job, I'll be happy, just knowing that I can come home at the end of the day and hold her in my arms. That's enough to get me through everything. She's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with." I hadn't realized until now that I was crying, but happy tears.

"Wow…that soliloquy was just beautiful, it just-oh God," Aria was interrupted by a beep coming from her phone. Followed by mine. Then by Hanna's and finally, Emily's. Emily rubbed her eyes slowly she woke up and Aria dug Hanna hard in the back a simultaneous message always made trouble.

_Sharing secrets still? Ooh…let me play! You have ten minutes to tell each other your deepest, darkest secret or I will. Don't play dumb, I know everything –A_

Hanna POV

"This is stupid right?" I asked the girls, looking blankly around at the three of them, "We tell each other everything right? We know everything?" Aria nodded slowly but then stopped,

"Do we? I mean, how do we know that we know everything about each other?" she asked, sometimes it's really hard to figure out what Aria's point is, but I think I got it,

"Are you accusing us of lying to each other?" I questioned her incredulously, "What is your problem?" she just shook her head,

"No, no not like that, not like that at all, what I mean is, we were separated for a whole year right? And even before that, we were never as close to each other as we all were to Ali, except for you Spence, so what is there to show that maybe, just maybe, there are some pretty big secrets that we haven't necessarily meant to keep secret, but that we just never got to tell each other?" Spencer's eyes widened,

"I get it, oh my gosh, Aria, that's genius!" Spencer exclaimed, I swapped a smile with Emily and she cuddled closer to Spencer, "So, does anyone have anything?" she asked expectantly, I took a deep breath,

"I don't know if It counts, but Ali started my bulimia. I thought it was her being nice, but then, one night I realized it was killing me, and I called her on it. We argued. We screamed and it got physical. She slapped me, so I hit her back, she slipped and fell. I felt back, but when I helped her up, I tried to apologize, but she pushed me against the wall and…"I took my shirt off and turned around, showing the girls a long, thin scar on my back, reaching from my right shoulder blade to my bra strap. "She said she wanted me to remember never to disobey her again. I swore I would never speak to her again as long as I lived. The next day, she went away, to her Grandma's or to be with Ian or wherever she actually was, and the day she got back…she disappeared. I never told anyone this. I thought that would just prove some sort of motive to the police but…I don't know, in some sick way, making myself sick was like being close to her," I felt hot tears running down my face and Aria's hand in mine.

"My turn." Emily whispered. She looked apprehensively at the scars on her wrists, "It wasn't the first time. "Since I came out, it's been something I've been leaning on. When things got hard, when my mom didn't accept me, it was what I did to help myself, it just made me feel like I could control something, when I couldn't control anything else." Spencer was crying now, she kissed Emily's hair soft, curly hair and held her, "And I don't know how I can stop this, I can't I just feel so, so incredibly weak and I can't stop it…" she curled herself into Spencer's chest and started to sob, painfully.

"It's okay Em, I'm not going to tell you that you have to stop this immediately, all I'm going to say is that I'm here for you, and I'll support you. I just want you to know how much I love you."

"You don't hate me? You're not disappointed in me?" she asked gently,

"No baby, I'm not mad, and I could never hate you," she kissed Emily's hair again as Aria prepared for her turn.

"I really don't know what to say to be honest, I don't know what a secret in my life is. The Jenna thing? You guys know that, things that happened in Iceland, well, I don't know how much you know about that, but, if we're being completely honest, none of that is important to me anymore. I don't care about that, or anything. So, if you guys want to know anything, then go ahead, ask away, but I don't know what to tell you." She said, articulate as ever.

"I have one," I stated, turning towards her, "Sex." She raised her eyebrows, "I just know like, nothing about your sex life, you either Spence, but Aria, are you a virgin?" she rolled her eyes and smiled at me,

"You don't know anything cause you guys don't ask, but I think A is more important to talk about than my sex life. But sadly, yes, yes I am." She sighed theatrically, we were shocked, I think we all assumed that at some point, either in Iceland or with Ezra, Aria would have, well…

"Nope, sorry to disappoint Hanna," she chuckled. The tension in the atmosphere lessened for a moment and the dark swirling emotion was drowned out by harmonious laughter.

"This isn't a secret, but it is something that I need to say." Spencer declared in her usual fashion, "In case you hadn't noticed, Emily and I are well…we're not labeling it. We're best friends, we're girlfriends, we're closer than anyone on the planet and I love her very very much. I'm in love with her. Truly, madly, deeply, in love with her. I want you guys to know that. I want everyone to know that. I want the world to know how I feel about her and I want the world to understand that, if the want to hurt her, and only God knows why anyone would, it'll be over my dead body. Because I will stop at nothing to protect her. She's mine now, she's mine." She rambled breathlessly, the mark of somebody well and truly lost in love. She looked down in to Emily's eyes, her own wet with emotion and whispered, "You're mine." As she sweetly kissed her on the forehead. I exchanged a look with Aria and we grinned at their cuteness.

Aria POV

"Hey, Spence, when did you open the window?" I asked curiously, feeling the draft against my back and looking round to see the drapes fluttering in the light breeze, she looked at me quizzically,

"I didn't, I've been sat here all night. Remember, I've had Emily in my arms all night?" she asked sarcastically, she tried to sound patronizing and demeaning but she couldn't say Emily's name without smiling. Reluctantly she lifted Emily off of her and crossed to the window with me. Emily and Hanna followed and I saw Emily snake an arm around her waist as she peered out. Suddenly a flash of light exploded in the darkness, illuminating the danger and I could tell we'd all just experienced the exact same flashback. The Jenna thing. When I looked round I saw that Spencer had stepped clear in front of Emily to protect her whilst Hanna was crying on the floor.

"Hey, Han, what's wrong?" I asked gently, kneeling next to my best friend, she held up a shaking hand clutching a note.

"This, this was on the window ledge, I-I grabbed it as the explosion went off." She murmured, I took the note gently and realized why she was crying.

_Déjà vu, huh bitches? Wondering who your victim is? Think about last time, you'll know. This won't be a secret though, you will get caught. I warned you. A_

* * *

><p><em><em>Thanks for reading, next update after ten reviews :) let me know if you have any ideas you would like to see in this story xx


	12. Chapter 12

Hey guys, so...i kinda gave up on the whole 'getting ten reviews before an update' thing, mainly because another author begged me to update :)

Sorry if it's not very good, parts of it are slightly fluffy, but this story's nearing an end...i shall start a sequel soon though...

Princyjessie, this chapter is for you, for giving me the motivation to keep posting xx

* * *

><p>Aria POV<p>

"Well, that was unexpected." Hanna stated sarcastically an hour later. The mood had dampened further since the explosion. Sure, there had been a moment of adrenaline rush when we investigated outside. Evidence of accident? Plenty. Enough to scare us to death? Yes. Victim? None.

That wasn't what had scared us most though. No. The scariest part of A was that, surreptitiously, they were everywhere. They saw everything. Knew everything. Even the things we never spoke aloud to each other, A somehow knew. The proof was waiting for us in Spencer's bedroom when we returned from our venture outside. Four envelopes. Each with one of our names printed on it. This was A's 'punishment' for not finishing the game of truth. We know 'had to suffer what would hurt the most', and A had even taken the liberty of personalizing them. Mine was a cartoon strip of photo shopped pictures depicting several scenarios' in which I was telling my parents about Ezra, Ezra was breaking up with me…and then he was bound and gagged at gun point. I had to laugh at how fake the pictures were, mainly because, if I didn't try to stay calm, I had no idea what would happen to us all. Hanna's were real pictures. Of her mother and various men and of Caleb getting on the bus to Arizona. Emily's were, again, photo shopped of Spencer kissing Maya, of all people. Finally, I thought that A was letting her game drop below her usual standards of torture. That was, until it clicked.

It was as I saw the color drain from Spencer's face that I realized. The purpose wasn't to hurt us all separately, but to eliminate us one by one.

_The president's assassination has begun- kisses, A xoxo_

Spencer froze. Frozen and pale for almost three minutes. I thought then that there was nothing scarier. That was until she moved. She started to shake. Shaking uncontrollably with a strange mixture of anger, fear and nausea. Still staring at the pictures she suddenly disappeared into her bathroom. I heard her throw up and was off the bed and by her side in an instant. I held back her hair until she was done, knowing that Emily shouldn't be expected to deal with this now.

But it was only as I prized the pictures from her hands that I truly understood. For these pictures were the epitome of evil. As they illustrated, frame by frame, Emily's downfall.

Spencer POV

"Hey sweetie," you whisper as you snake your arms around her waist, she doesn't say anything but leans her body backwards into you, so you can feel her heartbeat against your body and you can tell that she is listening to your own. You smile weakly as you let your arm rest over her shoulder. She takes your hand and holds it with both of her own, flush against her chest. Neither of you say anything, you don't need to. You just need each other. You only need her in the world, just like she only needs you, and the quiet comfort that it brings you both to know that, whatever happens, you'll always be together. You want to cry. You want to scream and break down and let her hold you until everything else just melts away and you're left with just her. The way you like it. You smile through your tears at how idyllic that sounds. But you want to be strong, for her. You are strong for her.

You hate to let her see you falter, but you know that sometimes, she needs it. It helps you connect. You can't explain how or why, but it does.

"It's always going to be there isn't it?" she whispers hoarsely, you sigh and pull her tightly into you, so she's flush against your body now, placing soft, sweet kisses on her hair until her breathing evens out again. "Us," she clarifies in a tiny voice. You let out a breath that you didn't know you were holding and nod into to her,

"It always has." You whisper back softly into her ear, allowing your lips to graze her skin in the sweetest of kisses. You take in the scent of her perfume, the one you both own but you hardly ever wear, you'd like to, but she wears it better than you. You feel her shiver and you shudder at the acidic touch of her tears falling onto your bare skin. You pull apart a little, but only the necessary amount to allow you to turn her around, and you stare into her eyes. You lose yourself in them, then again, you do almost every time you look at her. You take a breath and let her fall into you as you feel her shatter at your gentle touch. She's a beautiful disaster. She's broken. She's a mess. But she's yours, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

Emily POV

I know that there are many good friends around, a lot of people who I feel comfortable around and who I love, but true best friends are hard to come by. I've learned that sometimes you love a best friend more than anyone else, I definitely know that a best friend can be important than anyone else.

I love how you can do something or nothing with a best friend and still have make it one of the best days of your life, and that all the memories you make together, the good, the bad, and even the ugly, are all still important and that, when you're through with building memories with each other, you know you'll always have those days to look back on and to give you the strength to carry on. Sometimes the most used part of a best friend is the shoulder you cry on, and the shoulder you are willing to lend. And when a best friend is happy, you find yourself happy too, even when it has nothing to do with you.

I love that nothing ever sounds stupid, funny, or unbelievable to a best friend, and you never feel stupid saying whatever it is, because sometimes it feels like a best friend is the only one who will ever care about you and think you are beautiful in your own way. I've learned, the hard way I might add, that when your heart has been broken, a best friend is the best band-aid for it and that a best friend will call you in the middle of the night to talk without thinking, and it's okay to stay up all night and on the phone for hours talking without even realizing it.

A best friend would stick up for you no matter what the consequences are, but can tease you and say anything without it hurting. They know more about you than you know about yourself, like they can tell the difference between a silly crush, and more than that, even when you're not sure. Sometimes you wonder how she knew, but then you realize that's just how close you are. I've learned that, most importantly of all, best friends will always be best friends, no matter what is happening in their lives, where they are, or what they are doing. A best friend is irreplaceable.

Being in love with your best friend? That's utopic. Having someone who loves you, and cares for you and knows you better than anybody else does, or ever could. She's your rock when you have nothing else to cling to. She's all you need.

And sometimes, she's all you have.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading...as always, please review! Xx<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry it's been a while! But its here now, Chapter 13 guys, R&R please xx

* * *

><p>Spencer POV<p>

Two Years Earlier

You sit and ponder the consequences of what you think you're about to do. You feel that awful, awkward feeling in your stomach- the one that's halfway between butterflies and nausea. You smile gently and reach out your hand to tuck a lock of gorgeous, dark hair behind her ear. She stares at you and you feel your heart melt inside your chest as it stops beating entirely. In that moment, you feel like you're hanging in between life and death- having left one world but not yet joining another. But you know you're going to be okay. Even in that moment of uncertain fear, you still feel safe. You always feel safe with her.

You remember in those few, fleeting moments of silence, everything. Long forgotten memories of years ago come flooding back like the missing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. For years, you've been trying to jam the mismatched pieces together, cutting the corners and bending them in a desperate attempt to make it whole. Now they fit perfectly, they're out of sequence, but they all make perfect sense to you.

You stare into her eyes and you think of nothing but her. The two of you. Together. You try to think about when you knew, but you think, on some level, you always have. You think about the way you always find yourself smiling when you think of her; the way she knows exactly when you need to talk about what's bothering you, when you need to cry and when you just need to forget about everything. She always knows exactly how to help you through. She always knows how to make you laugh, and she's the only one who holds the power to reduce you to tears.

She's always been there, inside your head. She's always been able to read you, with the miraculous ability to sense exactly what's running through your head within seconds of having looked into your eyes. You wonder if she knows now. You don't think she could possibly know this, but then again, you've never been very good at hiding anything from her.

You feel her cuddle closer to you, and for a split second, you wonder why. Then you realize that she doesn't need a reason. She's your best friend. She's allowed. You wrap your arms around her and she rests her head on your chest. You sigh contentedly. This was the epitome of happiness. She murmurs something in audibly, but you know what she said.

"Je taime," you whisper back as you kiss her hair ever so gently. You know she doesn't speak French, but she certainly knows that phrase. Within seconds, you feel her breathing even out into the steady pace of sleep. You close your eyes, but instead of dreaming, you start to reminisce; you do that best at times like these, you find you can think straight when you're tangled up in her.

_It's spring break and you're thirteen; it's only April but it's already eighty-five degrees outside. She's been your best friend for a few years now, but it seems like you've known her all your life, and suddenly, you can't imagine being without her. To you, spring break has been perfect. For the most part, it's been just the two of you. Ali's been out of town, Hanna's been around a bit, but she's been busy too, and Aria has hung out with you guys quite a lot, but she likes to be alone sometimes, that's just the way she is. It's been a mess of emotions, thousands of happy hours that have all merged into one. You've been together constantly. Playing at the park, hanging out in your yard and having sleepovers almost every night…just the two of you. _

_That day had seemed to last forever; you'd spent the morning in your bedroom trying out all kinds of new styles of make up on each other. Normally, you hated that kind of thing, but you knew how much she loved it. The afternoon you'd spent in your back yard, chasing each other around in the sprinklers under the blazing sun. then it had been a quick change from your swimsuits into your pajamas and you were shut away in your barn together for the night, munching on take-out pizza and microwave popcorn, sharing a giant bottle of Dr. Pepper. You'd played a movie, but somewhere in the first ten minutes you'd gotten bored and started chatting absent mindedly. Locked doors, drawn curtains and piles and piles of blankets later, the two of you were snuggled up together on the couch, hoods up and arms around each other as the temperature dropped. _

You wonder now if you knew it then. Had it been then? Or the thousands of times you'd slept at each other's houses, played sport together or found yourselves the last two awake at a slumber party. In every reassuring touch, sweet kiss or stolen glance, you knew it was there. It always would be.

As if she hears your thoughts, she nestles her head further into your chest and sighs, clinging to you as if her life depends on it. The optimistic part of your brain says that, even if she knew…things could only get better. But the realistic part screams at you to betray your instincts, it screams NO, it warns you not to jeopardize this- what you have. It's special and it's rare and you know it.

'Nothing will ever get in the way of us.' Her words ring harshly in your ears, nothing?

Emily POV

Present day

You wriggle out of her arms and sit beside her, tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear as you gently caress the side of her face. You wish you could stay here forever, with her in that moment, but you know that you can't. You can't hurt her with your actions anymore; she has so much potential, so much promise…you know she'd give it all up for you in a heartbeat, but you don't want her to. It would kill you to watch her give up everything she's worked for, everything she's dreamed about. That's why she could never know. You sigh as you give her one long, lingering kiss on her forehead and feel tears prick your eyes when you realize that this will be the last time you'll see her for a while. The last time that you will ever see her this way.

The sky outside is dark and looming. You think it's fitting. With a lingering glance at the heavy door you turn and stare at the night sky. The stars are hiding behind a cover of oppressing clouds, stolen away from your wondering eyes for the moment. You wish they'd come back. You miss them.

The door clicks shut quietly, and you flinch. It's such a harsh and unforgiving noise, slicing through the silence brutally. It feels like the crack of a whip against tender flesh, ripping and tearing you apart. You don't think you've ever felt this broken this shattered this cold.

Actually, if you're being honest with yourself, you miss her. You miss her already. You will for a while now, as it sets in that you'll never get that back, at least, not the way it was. She was your best friend and suddenly she's gone. A tiny part of your brain says you don't know that for sure, but she would have to be…once she knew, she'd never look at you again in the same way. Suddenly, you feel as if you're facing the world alone, when all you want is to curl up in her familiar bed, the deep comfort of her bedroom soothing you into a peaceful slumber, your steady breathing and the thought-provoking lyrics of your music the only other sounds in your world you've created away from the world, you're sanctuary.

But now, now it's different. Now you're sanctuary has become your hell, the room where you felt so safe feels so wrong- you shiver at the thought that it was where you realized; that it was where you'd made the decision. Soon, you two will merely be strangers in a sea of familiarity, drifting alone and cold. You miss her, but you don't think she would understand. Everything has changed.

Spencer POV

You wake as soon as she does. You feel her slip away; feel her kiss and her gentle touch to your face. You want to cry with the intensity of the emotion that she provokes in you, but you lay still, feigning sleep. When you hear her slip out, you worry. You know you should do the sensible thing: call her cell, if she doesn't answer, then go out and look for her, call Hanna and Aria and tell them too, tell them that you need their help; after all, that's what friends are for. But all of these thoughts seem as if they're in a distant, parallel universe, buzzing faintly in your mind as you grab first your sweat top and then your jacket, pulling them on over your old field hockey shirt and shorts that you'd been sleeping in. You slip on your sneakers and you see her almost immediately. It's raining now, hard. Her figure is distant but you'd recognize her anywhere. You start to jog towards her, slowly but surely, your pace getting faster as the rain got harder. You're running faster and faster but she seems to be slipping away from you, sinking further and further past the point of no return. You're sprinting now; your bare legs shining with the icy drops of rain and your long hair dripping wet. You hear a clap of thunder and see the lights fade in a few of the nearby houses. Blackout. It suddenly dawns on you how scared she must be, she's never liked storms. You're running faster and faster…it's a good thing it's so late and so wet, because surely, even A wouldn't contemplate stalking someone in a thunderstorm at past two AM.

"EMILY!" you scream breathlessly, "EMILY FIELDS!" she's still walking away; but she's closer now. You summon up all your strength and sprint the next thirty feet as fast as you can. "EMILY!" as if she can hear the desperation in your voice, or can sense that you're about to pass out, she stops. You muster the energy it takes to run to her and you place your hands gently on her hips.

"Why did you leave?" you shout over the rumbling thunder and the persistent downpour,

"Why did you come?" She yells back, you swallow hard,

"You have to ask me why I came?" You tell back, half smiling. You laugh shakily, "I followed you because I was worried about you!"

"I'm fine, Spence!" she yells back at you, but you can hear the pain in her voice, and see the tears mingling with the raindrops on her face.

"You know, they say that crying in the rain is easy, because no-one can see your tears," you shout back as you reach a hand up to her face, "It's not true." She smiles weakly and you pull her to you.

"You have to leave Spence, you have to let me go, too." She says, resisting your touch. The conversation has grown more heated, more urgent.

"There is nowhere that I wouldn't follow you, Emily," you insist sincerely, "Just please, let me in." you're begging now.

"Why?" she asks, "Why are you so sure that nothing's going to change?" I laugh,

"Because you said it yourself. When we were thirteen. You promised that nothing would ever get in the way of us," you tell her, you don't want to shout anymore, but the storm is getting louder and louder. "And because I know that nothing will change the way I feel about you. Ever." You feel yourself crying now as you look into her eyes. She holds your gaze for what feels like centuries,

"I'm pregnant." She whispers. You feel your heart flutter as she speaks; she looks away from you, ashamed. You tentatively step closer to her, reaching out and placing on hand gently on her stomach, using the other to cup her chin and raise her gaze to meet yours.

"And you thought that you couldn't tell me?" you ask quietly, you're crying more now, harder than you think you ever have before.

"I didn't want this to hurt you!" she screams over the sound of the weather. You shake your head gently as you pull her into you and hold her more tightly than you ever have before.

"Honey, this could never hurt me." You whisper in her ear before locking your eyes together again.

"I swear on everything I've ever believed in, that I will support you, no matter what. If you want to do this, if you want to have this baby, I will be there. I will go with you to Lamaze class, I'll go to the store to satisfy whatever freaky craving you have in the middle of the night and I will personally destroy anyone who dares to say anything against you and if you don't, then I will drive you to the clinic and I'll hold your hand the whole time. But I swear Emily, I will never let you down." She closes her eyes and lets herself slowly sink to the ground, you kneel beside her and pull her into your lap, holding her in a cradle as she sobs.

"But why, Spence?" she cries, "I need you to tell me why!"

"Why? Okay, I'll tell you why!" You breathe in deeply, "It's because I would do anything for you, Emily. I'd follow you wherever you wanted to go, do whatever you wanted to do. Because you are everything to me and I love everything about you; from the way you say my name, to the way you flick your hair at the end of a swim meet when you take your cap off. Because you always see the best in people. And because, we're shaking, and wet and cold and we're both going to get pneumonia, but if you need to hear why I love you, then I will go on all night." You start to shout, but by the time you're done, the thunder's gone and your voice has softened. She says nothing, but reaches behind your head and crashes your lips together in a deep and passionate kiss. The moment your lips touch, lightening strikes, as if the storm was reflecting your emotions.

You hold her there and you don't want to let go. Ever. But you have to. You scoop her up and strip both your jacket and sweatshirt off, pulling them over her head before she can protest. You wrap your arm around her and begin the long walk home.

Emily POV

You're in Spencer's room now, safe again. The both of you are wrapped in fluffy white dressing gowns and she'd gently brushing your hair. You nestle back into her and rest your head against her chest. She sets down the brush beside you on the bed and wraps her arms around you, pressing both of her hands to your stomach.

"This baby's gonna be so beautiful," she whispers in your ear, letting her lips brush gently against it, "Because it's yours." I smile shyly at her and shake my head,

"Ours." I correct as I press our lips together.

Aria POV

You watch your blonde best friend pace the room, her nervous energy becoming too much for her to handle. You laugh in spite of yourself.

"Are you sure?" you ask for the thousandth time since she called you over, she throws a glare your way.

"Yes, Aria. I'm positive, or rather, it was." She jokes. "I'm telling you, when I was at Spencer's yesterday, I used her bathroom and while I was in there, I noticed it in the trash. And it was definitely positive."

"Wow," you sigh. "I wonder which one it is, I hope it's Spencer." she pulls a face,

"Really?" she crinkles her nose at you, "I hope its Emily. A mini-Emily would be so cute, mini-Spencer would just be…well, there would be two Spencer's and no one needs that." You throw her an incredulous look,

"No Han, if its Spencer, it just means that she lost her virginity and didn't tell us. If it's Emily, then, well…she was raped, Han." Her face crumples as you say that,

"Oh my," she whispers, "I didn't think of it that way." She goes very, very quiet for a moment and you take her hand.

"It'll be okay," you reassure her, "They're both tough. Besides, it's two of you that no one needs." You try to joke but she barely even smiles,

"God, how would she get through that?" she ponders aloud, you don't even know if she's talking to you.

"With Spencer. And with us." You squeeze her hand. "She'll be fine, Han, we all will. We have each other." She nods at you, before laying down and pulling you with her,

"Just, stay with me tonight?" she asks weakly.

Spencer POV

Seven billion, nine million, seven hundred and fifty seven thousand, seven hundred and fifty one…there are 7009757751 people in the world right now. Some are laughing. Some are crying. Some are in love. Others are lost and alone. Some are living life, whilst too many are hanging by a moment. But sometimes, all you need is one. And that one person, if it's the right person, changes it all.

So find that someone. Someone who'll never get tired of kissing you every day. Someone who'll hug you when you're jealous, who'll understandingly stay silent when you're mad and just squeeze your hand when you're hand when you're not in the mood. Someone who'll imagine and plan a perfect future with you in it.

So find that someone, and when you do, hold on tight, and never let them go.

A/N

Please don't hurt me! So, I know Emily's been through enough, but really couldn't resist!

Review please, reading them really inspires me xx


	14. Chapter 14

Hey guys, slightly fluffy chapter for valentines day ;) not as tragic as some others but still no M rated scene, sadly i don 't think they're ready for that yet...

R&R xx

* * *

><p>Hanna POV<p>

You roll your eyes as you flick through the latest edition of Cosmo, you're lying on Spencer's bed and cannot wait for Aria to get there, as cute as Spencer and Emily were, lately they'd been a whole lot more sickening together. Especially, you guess, since one of them is pregnant. It's been a week since you found the test in the trash, and the only thing that's keeping you from giving them the third degree is Aria, with her constant threats to keep your mouth shut. You're happy for them though, in a way, you're disappointed because you know that it's not exactly the life either of you planned, but if they're happy, so are you. Tonight, you hope, they'll tell you. It's your first sleepover since the night of 'the accident', a month ago.

Wow, when you think of it that way it scares you. Life's been going past way too fast in your opinion. It's been almost four months since Emily was raped and a month since the explosion, with no word from A. That worries you.

"I am so sorry." Aria says breathlessly, throwing her backpack on the floor and flopping down dramatically on the bed. You pick up a pillow and throw it at her,

"You're so late." You state the obvious,

"What Hanna means to say is; what took you so long? Are you okay?" Spencer asks in a mock-posh voice, rolling her eyes at me. You take in Aria's disheveled appearance, but you're not worried like Spencer and Emily are.

"Yeah, uh-I was, uh, I was just with, uh, um, Ezra." Aria stutters, straightening her shirt and becoming heavily absorbed in her fingernails.

"Oh. My. God." You sound out slowly, "OHMYGOD!" Spencer and Emily look to you quizzically,

"You guys totally did it!" you shriek and Aria turns a deep shade of crimson,

"Really?" Spencer shrieks, leaping off the window seat and sitting next to Aria, "What's it like?" she enquires, looking hungrily at Aria.

"Wait, Spence, haven't you ever…?" you ask, eyeing her carefully, she laughs,

"Yeah, right, with who?" she replies sardonically. You exchange a knowing look with Aria and your heart breaks for Emily.

Spencer POV

You lay with Emily in your arms; you had no idea what the hell you were going to do. Get a proper job for a start, buy a house, you weren't about to put up with your parents and Emily's mother was going to kill her as it was. You stroked her hair gently, you couldn't tell if she was awake or not, but you didn't speak just in case. You couldn't believe that within a second, your whole life was upside down, what were you going to do about college? You knew you weren't ready to be a mother, hell; you could barely take care of yourself, let alone a baby. Emily would learn though, when the time came, she would learn to be a mom, in a way, she's always been the mother of our little group, she'd always been there, protecting us and counseling us when we needed to talk. And you would be there for her, every second of the day. You would have each other. You gently slid your hand down to her stomach, you knew you wouldn't be able to feel anything different, but you just couldn't believe that she was pregnant.

"Hmm…" she murmured, half asleep, half crying, you sat up and lifted her onto your lap. You looked at Emily for a few minutes, thinking how weird it was, that in a few short months, you'd be parents. You wanted to ask her things, you had loads of questions, but it didn't seem like the right time to ask them. Like how long had she known? Who else knew? How far along was she? Had she seen a doctor? What was she going to do? It was the first time you'd thought about what she might do, what it all boiled down to was that it was her decision, it was her body, her right, her life. If you were anyone else, you might have told her what to do, or, more likely, walked away. You'd discussed this though, years ago. You knew how Emily felt about abortion, adoption, and being a mom.

"Emily, you know that I love you, right? And whatever you decide to do, I'll support you, I promise. I'm not leaving; I'm not going anywhere, except for wherever you are, forever and always." She lifted her head to kiss you, passionately and sweetly, a kiss that said you'd make it through, no matter what, and a kiss that somehow said everything that you'd ever wanted her to know.

Aria POV

It was late now, but not very. Normally you would have been awake at this time still, especially as it was a sleepover, but after Emily had fallen asleep early, so had the rest of you. Now however, you were wide awake as you listened to their sweet exchange.

"Alrighty," Hanna says loudly, "I'm awake, I can hear you two lovebirds awake, and Aria, I can see that your eyes are open. So now the question is, why are we all lying awake in silence when we could be doing something, oh I don't know, fun?" she says dramatically. You laugh and so do Emily and Spencer,

"So what is fun for you then?" Emily asks, sitting up more and looking apprehensively at Hanna,

"Well, for starters…anything except laying awake in silence." She starts, "Ooh, truth or dare!" she squeals.

"No." Spencer says decisively, "Remember what happened last time?" she explains cynically,

"Fine then," Hanna rolls her eyes. "At least let's play 'I never'?" she practically begs,

"Whatever." You say quietly

"Yay!" Hanna squeals as she pulls out a bottle of vodka from the depths of her suitcase,

"OhmyGod…" you mutter, stealing a glance over to Emily and Spencer who both wore matching looks of concern, "Hey, Hanna?" you interfere quickly, "Maybe only two of you should drink, like, you and Spence? Emily and I can stay sober so we can control you guys?" she doesn't look thrilled, but she nods her head and opens the bottle.

"Okay…" she slurs, "I never…had oral sex." You raise your eyebrows, but no-one drinks.

"I never…" Spencer starts, she looks around the room for inspiration before setting her sights back on Emily, she tips her chin up with her finger and looks her straight in the eyes, holding her gaze with enough passionate spark to ignite the world in eternal flame. "Never have I ever, been more in love than I am with you." She whispers and captures Emily's lips in a chaste kiss.

Emily POV

"You guys," you call the attention of Hanna and Aria over, the get up from where they were sitting together and move over to sit by you. "We have something to tell you." You say gravely. Spencer's arm is wrapped protectively around your shoulders but you can feel she's shaking slightly. Aria looks at you with concern as she sees tears form in your eyes, and, a suddenly very sober, Hanna, takes your hand.

"You can tell us anything, you know that right?" Aria whispers confidently. You smile and look at Spencer who pulls you a little bit closer to her and gives you a tight smile and a small nod.

"I-I'm…" you stutter before taking a deep breath, "I'm pregnant."

You see the look of compassion on Aria's face contrast that of horror on Hanna's. She was furious, you know, but not at you. She slowly stands and walks absent mindedly out of the room, Spencer squeezes your hand and follows, leaving you alone with Aria.

"How far along are you?" she asks sweetly, you smile at how good she is in these situations.

"About four months, I think, I mean, I've been to see a doctor but not like, a proper appointment, you know? Actually, I have my first real appointment tomorrow…due date, sex, sonogram…everything." You smile and her eyes light up,

"Can I?" she asks, gesturing to your stomach, you nod and take her hand, placing it on the most swollen part of your stomach, although you're not really showing yet. She rubs her thumb lightly across your stomach before raising her gaze to meet yours, "I can feel it!" she squeals and you laugh as her eyes fill with tears.

Spencer POV

"Hanna?" you ask quietly, sitting down on the step beside her in your yard and placing your hand on her shoulder, "Han?" you ask again, you let her turn her body into you and bury her head in your chest, rubbing her back gently with your fingertips, "Hey, Hanna…look at me?" you whisper and she looks up at you, fear in her eyes. "She's going to be alright," you reassure her. She doesn't look convinced so you pull her tighter again, "Listen to me. We have been through so, so much together now, alright? We have fought alongside each other and struggled through everything _together_. Emily knows we'll support her, she knows that we are all here for her no matter what. Alright? Han, we're not gonna lose her. Not again." You realize now that you're crying too and she reaches out to wipe your tears,

"I know," she whispers, "I know." You sit in silence for a few moments before she looks at you with her usual cheeky smile, "So, mama Hastings, huh?" you laugh for a moment before smiling at her. You nod and close your eyes,

"Mama Hastings" you repeat to yourself, fighting tears again. She reaches over and takes your hand,

"It's okay Spence," she whispers, "Crying doesn't mean that you're weak, it just means that you've been too strong for too long."

You've always had a good relationship with Hanna, sometimes you think, in a strange way, you're most like her. The two of you share not only the same humor, but the same charade of strength.

"The baby's gonna be gorgeous, huh?" she asks, poking you in the ribs,

"God, are you kidding? Anything with any part of Emily's DNA ….just…wow." Hanna laughs and squeezes your hand tightly,

"She has got you so whipped!" You laugh in spite of yourself at her playfulness and sigh,

"Yeah…but I love her so much. You know? I'd do anything for her, and I mean it when I say I want to marry her someday…yeah, that'd be the happiest day of my life."

When the two of you finally re enter the house, you walk in to find Aria and Emily giggling on the couch, with Aria's hands residing on Emily's stomach.

"Hanna?" Emily asks sweetly, "Would you like to feel?" she says gesturing to her slightly swollen stomach, Hanna's face lights up and she moves to sit with you and you maneuver her hands to the lower part of your stomach, "Just there," she whispers finally letting her hands rest. You sit down gently next to Emily on the arm of the couch and let her relax back into your body. A single tear rolls down Hanna's cheek as she dips her head to kiss the supposed whereabouts of the baby.

Emily POV

There is no feeling quite like the comfort of being in the company of your best friends: the sensation of being safe, secure...and happy. Happier then you have been in a very long time.

You lay there, close together, entangled, letting the atmosphere wash around you; it was at that moment you realize how loud silence can be when there are too many fears to drown it out. Eventually, Hanna voices what you've all been thinking,

"As gay and cheesy as it sounds, I hope we all stay friends forever." You murmur in agreement and Aria nods as the silence fell around us once again. You run your fingers across Spencer's back in different patterns and letters,

"That tickles," she whisper, "but it feels nice- don't stop." you smile,

"Yeah?" you ask, staring to write across her back, L-A-U-G-H,

"Love, Live." Spencer whispers looking across at Aria, and taking her hand.

"Where do you think you're gonna be in ten years?" I ask, stroking Hanna's hair absentmindedly and looking up at Spencer,

"Making a lot of money…" Hanna smirks, "What? I can't dream?" she turns her head and looks directly at you, "No, in ten years I...I have a boyfriend, yeah, in ten years I'm definitely in love."

"Caleb?" You and Aria ask together,

"Maybe." She smiles, "maybe."

"How about you, Emily?" Spencer asks you, you breathe deeply,

"I'm going to be Mrs. Hastings. And away, away from A. You?"

"I have no idea, but so long as I'm with you…that'll be enough for me." You stroke her hand and lay her head in your lap gently, she stares at you deeply, her strong, hazel eyes staring deep into your soul.

"I love you." Spencer whispers, finally figuring out what you'd written on her back.

"I love you." You whisper back, your eyes fill with tears at the sudden realization that you have never, ever felt this strongly about anyone ever before.

There were no pictures, no videotapes, nothing to remember it by except for that shared memory, the mental pictures that would, with time, become weathered and faded...as so too would you.

* * *

><p>So, let me know what you think?<p>

Feedback is very much appreciated as always xx


	15. Chapter 15

So, sadly i think that this story may have run its course...i am fully intent on publishing a sequel and will also be starting a brand new Spemily fic soon...so for now, enjoy the last chapter...and please, please review!

* * *

><p>Emily POV<p>

"So, are you ready to see your baby?" the doctor asks you gently from across the room, busying herself with your medical files, before turning to you, you smile and nod,

"Great," she grins, "Just hop up on to the table and we can get started." You oblige and lift yourself up with Spencer's help, the doctor presses a few buttons on the monitor as Spencer guides your body down until you're sufficiently comfortable; you're shaking nervously and she can tell so she takes your hand reassuring and squeezes it tight, smiling brightly at you.

"Okay, so, Emily, how far along are you?" the doctor enquires, "Do you know?" you shake your head,

"I'm guessing about four months or so but I'm not sure exactly," you reply quietly, she nods understandingly,

"And this is your first, real check up?" she asks, Spencer nods,

"We only found out about two weeks ago," she says by way of explanation, the doctor laughs,

"Well, not to worry, we'll sort out everything you need to know today," she says confidently, "Alright then, can you lift your shirt for me?" she asks and Spencer lifts your top up revealing your toned and slightly bloated stomach. "This is going to be a little cold and, as it's your first time, it might tickle a bit, but don't worry, you'll get used to it." She squirts a copious amount of gel across your stomach and starts to rub it in, placing the sensor on you and moving it around expertly,

"Does it tickle?" Spencer asks, her smile almost touching her ears, you smile back at her brightly,

"A little bit," you admit, squeezing on her hand,

"Okay girls, it looks like you are approximately, eighteen weeks pregnant, that means that you're probably going to start to show in about two weeks or so, considering your size as most women don't tend to show until about twenty four weeks." You smile at Spencer and she leans down and kisses you quickly on the lips. "And, here's your baby." The doctor smiles and points to the screen, "You see? There's the head, and the feet, and that looks like a hand…" she explains, tracing her finger over the screen,

"Wow…she's beautiful," You whisper,

"Yes, yes SHE is," the doctor laughs; you look at Spencer as you realize what's just been said, then incredulously at the doctor,

"It's definitely a girl?" you squeal, she laughs again,

"Yes, she is. I'll give you two a moment to process this," she excuses herself and leaves the two of you alone.

"Spence?" you ask softly, "Spencer?" she looks at you and you see tears brimming in her eyes, threatening to spill over. You reach out a hand and wipe them away with your thumb,

"She's just, she's…she's perfect Em." She chokes out, "I can't believe this, I didn't know it was even possible to feel this, this happy." You laugh gently and pull her to you, holding her tightly and kissing her head.

"So, do you two want a picture of her?" the doctor asks, re entering the room carrying a paper bag with your name printed on it.

"Yeah we do," Spencer replies before looking into your eyes and kissing you again,

"Hey Spence, I think you should go and get Hanna and Aria, they're outside and I'm sure Hanna will never forgive us if we don't invite her in." she laughs and obliges, re entering a few seconds later with a very excited Hanna in tow,

"Hanna Marin, Godmother." Hanna announces proudly, extending her hand to the doctor. Everyone laughs and Spencer swats Hanna playfully on the shoulder.

Spencer POV

It's two AM and Emily's awake again, she's been restless for hours, dozing on and off, but never really sleeping,

"Spence…" she moans, you groan quietly, but you just can't ignore her, "Spence, I'm hungry." You look to her incredulously,

"You know, since you started eating for two, you've been eating more than me." You groan, already slipping out of bed,

"The baby wants ice cream Spence." Emily smiles sweetly,

"Oh really?" you tease, leaning in to her, "The baby wants ice cream or Emily does?" you tease, softly tickling her, she shies away, giving you her irresistible puppy dog eyes,

"Both." She grins; you raise your eyebrows at her,

"Oh yeah? And what flavor would the two of you like?" you ask, she cocks her head to the side in mock deliberation before responding,

"Baby wants rocky road." She says in a childish voice, you roll your eyes and she giggles. "Spence?" she calls out, you turn in the door way and she smiles at you, "I love you."

By the time you come back, Emily's fast asleep again, setting the ice cream down on the night stand you tuck her in and kiss her forehead, stroking her hair gently. You notice a slender figure slowly stand and slip out of the room. Hanna. With one lingering look at Emily you slip out after her, bracing yourself.

"Hanna?" You call out as you wander down the stairs, "Han?" you hear a muffled sob and head instinctively towards it. When you reach the kitchen your hand hesitates over the light switch, finally deciding it may be less confrontational for her if this was done in the dark.

"Hanna? What's wrong?" you ask, sitting down next to her a placing a hand on her thigh, she doesn't flinch away from your touch as you'd expected, but she doesn't move. That's scarier. She sits and stares into the depth of the darkness, her face pale and totally void of emotion- a ghost of a girl that you used to know so well. "Hanna!" you insist.

"Nothing." She replies in a cold tone, "Nothing Spencer."

"Okay, here's what we're going to do," you take a deep breath, "We are going to sit here, and you are going to tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours, okay? You have been my best friend for almost six years now Hanna, and I think that that's long enough to be able to declare judgment on whether or not you are indeed fine, however I quite frankly thing that a gastropod would be able to pick up on the fact that something is eating away at you. So don't you dare give me your BS of pretending nothing's wrong because I see straight through you, Marin. And if you don't tell me now? Then I'll just sit here in protest until you do." You state, looking straight into her eyes, with Emily or Aria you'd never have done that, but with Hanna? Sometimes you had to be cruel to be kind. Your gaze softens, "Scream, cry, or punch me? Do whatever you need to do to release some of this….whatever it is. Just please Han, let me in? I almost lost Emily because of the dark place that she was in, please, don't let me lose you?" you're crying now and so is she, but you're glad you made her cry, it shows the first breakthrough of emotion, and the first is always the hardest to make.

"It's happened before Spence." She murmurs, you look to her with concern but she won't look back. "This whole damn thing!" she screams quietly, throwing her hands up in defeat and beginning to pace, "You wanna know what's wrong with me? It's that this whole fucking thing is history repeating itself. Yeah?" she laughs coldly, "You heard right!" she shakes her head and bangs her fist against the counter, and you make a mental note to ensure that she seeks medical attention to that later. "When my mom and dad divorced, he disappeared, for weeks and weeks he was just, gone. No one saw him or heard from him, not for months. She finally moved on from him, she started to heal. And then one day, in the middle of the night, he just turns up. Starts screaming and ranting about how he was sick of the divorce, how he couldn't stand the thought of her getting anything from him. How she didn't have any rights and needed to be taught a lesson, she needed to be reminded that, although she had the best lawyer, he was still a man. He was a man and he had the sort of power that she could never have. He raped her, Spence. He raped her to show her that he was in control." She crashes to the floor and instantly you're by her side, you wrap your arms around her but she shrugs you off,

"I'm not done yet." She wipes her tears away, "Then he was gone again, and she went on living her life. She got sick, but she put it down to stress at first…by the time she realized she was expecting me, it was too late. Too late for the abortion she would have had. Too late for everything. She tries to love me, but I know that, every time she looks at me, there is still that constant, cold reminder of _him_." She shudders, "you can't let that happen to your baby, Spence, she needs to be loved and never, ever told about this. It'll destroy her, Spence." You nod into her hair as she finally lets you hold her, and she cries herself to sleep in your arms,

"I won't let that happen, Hanna. I promise you."

"Hey you," you greet your girlfriend as you snake your arms around her waist from behind, she smiles and kisses your cheek as you rest your chin on her shoulder,

"You okay?" she asks, laughing at your pensive state of mind.

"Yeah," you sigh, "Do you know what occurred to me last night?" she raises her eyebrows at you,

"Do I want to?" she asks apprehensively and you chuckle slightly,

"Oh, I think you do," you respond coyly, she gives you a look that only she can give and you crack,

"I was just thinking about how, we've been dating for just a little over three months and, well, that's just it, we've never actually been on a real date. And I'm not complaining cause I know that you were sick and everything and that the odds just haven't been in our favor, but seeing as I thought of it now…I want to take you out, Emily…so, will you? Will you go out on a date with me?" she cocks her head to the side in mock deliberation and then sighs,

"I suppose I could squeeze you into my schedule…" she says slowly, as if thinking hard about how this could be possible, you scowl at her and she laughs, turning around and cupping your face in her hands. "Yes, Spencer, I would love to go on a date with you." She kisses you passionately and holds the kiss, allowing you both to lose yourselves in each other. "So, where are we going?" she asks casually, you smile at her and shake your head,

"Ah, no, that's just the thing, you're not allowed to know. Nor are you to worry about any expenses or anything in fact, all you have to do is show up looking pretty…not that that will be hard, you could show up in sweats and a T-shirt and I wouldn't care." She rolls her eyes but knows better than to protest, "So, tonight good for you?" you ask excitedly, kissing her one more time before bounding out of the room.

And for the first time, it seemed like things may just work out, after all.

Three Weeks Later

Emily POV

"I have a surprise for you!" Spencer sings as she bounds towards you through her kitchen, "and I have a surprise for you too, baby." She whispers, bending down to kiss your stomach before kissing your lips gently,

"Oh really?" you ask, putting your purse down on the counter and embracing Spencer tightly,

"Yep!" she exclaims, wrapping her hands around your eyes and laughing, "But you're going to have to trust me if you want to see." She taunts; you smile against your will,

"Of course I trust you babe," you reply, as Spencer begins to lead you to your big surprise,

"Alright, you can open your eyes now." She says a few minutes later, you hear a door close and you open them expectantly, "Ta da!" she exclaims excitedly, you smile as you look at her in bewilderment.

"Is this what you've been so busy with lately?" you squeal as you start to look around,

"It sure is!" she giggles, "I talked to my parents and they agreed, as of today, the barn is fully furnished and decorated and…best of all, fully ours." She whispers, wrapping her arms around you and kissing you briefly, "So, would you like the grand tour?" she asks melodramatically, you roll your eyes.

"It's amazing, Spencer. It really is. You're amazing."

She leads you through the kitchen, that happens to already be fully stocked and furnished with the most expensive equipment that Spencer could have found, and through to the master bedroom.

"So I painted these three walls magnolia white because it opens the room out, but I decided I'd quite like a feature wall, so that's a dark blue because blue's your favorite color and it's my favorite color on you, hence the choice. There's an ensuite with a double shower and everything you need in there, a giant walk in closet that I have taken the liberty of organizing into categories already for you. But this isn't my favorite room…" she takes your hand and leads you across the hall, opening the door wide and ushering you inside,

"This, is my favorite room."

Spencer POV

You wish you had a camera to capture the look on Emily's face as she walks into the nursery. She walks over and picks a purple, stuffed rabbit out of the crib and holds it to her chest. You watch from the door way as a tear falls down her cheek,

"Spencer it's, just…" she starts, she flinches closes her eyes in pain. In a heartbeat you're by her side, whispering words of comfort in her ear, but you don't think she hears you. She cries out again and crumples to the floor, you go with her and gently lay her down, she clutches to your chest with all the strength she can muster. She clings to you and you hold her back, savoring the precious moments together. You look deep into her eyes and you can almost see her world go fuzzy around you, her eyelids flutter weakly and her breathing becomes labored and heavy. To you, the universe stops spinning.

"Emily!" you scream. You can't do this again, you can't stand the immanent fear of losing her. Not now, not when you're so close to having everything you'd ever wanted.

From the nursery to the ambulance and then to the hospital is an all too familiar blur for you. You don't see or hear anything. Not even when Aria and Hanna come; they just sit beside you. They don't offer their condolences, because they know that that's not what you need right now. You don't need words of comfort. You need Emily. She's all you need, and she's all you ever will.

The situation is sickeningly familiar as you walk into the white washed room; you look to the windows and the clear blue sky that shines through them, you stare at the floor, and at the flowers arranged meticulously, no doubt by Hanna, sitting in a vase at the end of her bed. But you don't look at her. Not now, not like this. This isn't how you want to remember her if…but you can't think that, can you? Aria warned you but you can't not…what if? Just what if? What if you never got to hold her again? Hear her laugh or look deep into her eyes? All those dreams you'd made together, conjured up from the depths of your imaginations under the sheets with a flashlight? All the whispered aspirations and the utopia that you'd created for yourselves…for each other. Your safe place. What if it was all ripped away now?

Worse, what if, in ten years, you can't remember? That thought, that mere thought, sends shivers down your spine and tears down your cheeks. Would you ever be able to forget? The way her hair shimmers in the sunlight, or how her eyes twinkle when she laughs….the smell of her apple scented shampoo and the taste of her strawberry lip gloss…would you ever forget? Could you? You try to speak but you stutter and stumble over the words. Your tongue feels like it's swollen and you can no longer speak at all; you try to swallow the lump in your throat but its resilient to your efforts. So you write. You life the paper and pen from her bedside and begin to scribble down everything you feel and need her to know. Just in case. Just in case your what if becomes your reality.

'I'll stop loving you,

When diamonds never sparkle,

And when flowers cease to grow.

When the thunder doesn't echo,

And when rivers don't flow,

When hearts no longer ache,

And hands are never held,

When smiles are only memories,

And hope is never felt.

When trees no longer blossom,

And when the stars refuse to shine,

When September has no falling leave,

And when sadness never cries,

When time has no tomorrows,

And friendship has no love,

When I sit alone in heaven,

And my tears fall from above.

When there is nothing left,

And you no longer want me to,

Then, and only then,

Will I stop loving you.

Because my soul has searched a thousand years,

And my eyes have cried a thousand tears,

But I've found everything I need,

You are everything to me.'

You fold the paper with shaking hands, kissing it lightly for luck and tucking it into her, still closed fist.

"I love you, Emily." You whisper in her ear, as you take her in your arms and kiss her gently in what could be the last moment you would ever share.

* * *

><p>Thankyou to everyone who's read, i hope you enjoyed it<p>

~ LaughLoveLive


End file.
